Posts Tagged ‘personal’

Twisted Fate

Posted: November 5, 2017 in Book reviews, Novels
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The FINAL version of Twisted Fate will be downloaded for update on kindle within 2 months. Now reworking Waking Up Vampire. I’ve read and reread all reviews and will be applying fixes clearing up grammatical errors and confusing events. Waking Up Vampire was the first step into this amazing journey of writing fantasy. Except, most of the issues faced by the main character are real and I–at the beginning– hadn’t acknowledged I had a problem. I thought everyone had a difficult childhood–right? Well, after the first draft hit the printer and I began the editing process, memories I’d repressed made me realize that the guarded soul I’d become as an adult was just trying to protect the little girl inside me who’d been victimized. I probably went through thirty rewrites before finally finding comfort in the most recent version. And here I am again doing the new perception review and finding I’ve grown some more. Time for another rewrite. It won’t change much because the events are the same, but I have a new and better understanding of my journey and I dearly want to express it to you. So Waking Up Vampire will be coming to you in a better updated and final version in the near future.

Bear with me.

Life is hard, but we’re all works in progress and we all get tripped up. I have come to a conclusion with Waking Up Vampire-The sequel. I found the best ending to that story both appeases the characters and my sane mind. I haven’t titled it yet. The present mind is always easier to puzzle out than that of the child I’d been. So. With that said, I do have many more stories and characters waiting on the back burner ready to be fleshed out and sent on their way into my crazy worlds.

I will let you know when I’ve updated Twisted fate on Kindle. Thank you and Peace.FINAL TW.F.

What makes a person follow an entity who leads them onto the path of misery? Why do mothers and fathers choose to worship a god that puts its values before the love of family? Sounds more human than divine. Nature vs nurture. Experience vs command. Is there a line you won’t cross or will you die alone because that’s what’s been written. Religions have many personalities. I say personality because there are as many religious beliefs as there are humans. And those who don’t believe are included in the protein rich, spice riddled salad.

But let’s cut to the foundation of religious beliefs. You will only believe what you already accept as true. If you were abused and debased as a kid–authority is your enemy. If ten apologies after ten beatings keeps you in love and in place, bullies need to be understood. If you have been taught that wealth and entitlement makes you smarter and everyone else stupid, you will run a country as if the rest of us should be grateful for presence despite your lack of empathy and compassion or knowing what it’s like to struggle. It’s easier for some to discard their own ideas than to make a case for their own identity. It’s too much work. And it’s not like they’re alone in their beliefs. There’ll always be someone who validates them. Same mentality. Thinking–not worth the effort. The mob mentality.

People kill for their religions. People kill at the instruction of the voices in their heads. People kill because some ignorant human thinks the best way to run a country is to create a symbolic enemy. All religions have blood soaked into the pages of their books of scripture. Blood. Money. Power. Maybe at one time, there was a religion that took our need to dance naked in the rain as an expression of peace, or encouraged loved between adults, who promoted the health and happiness of children. I–for one–would love to read that book.

You can lay bigotry, hatred, racism, open condemnation at your god’s feet, blame it on your disgust of the world around you. But guess what? The rest of us see through the divine veil you place over your heads. We know you are hate. And in the end Love will defeat you. And We won’t have to lift a finger to win.

Sometimes I turn to pain for comfort, darkness to cleanse and numbness to escape it all. And then I fall.      Panic sets in.        I reach for the closest heart and fall faster.    There’s no room for laughter when tears fall and the life lived fades into the past. Looking forward through a pane of foggy glass.   I capturing glimpses of what could be, at the moment, because a breath changes everything.    His hand. Her shoulder. The innocence of a child. Fury and blood. What does it all mean? He kills. She kills. One a hero. The other a villain. Which is which? Do we know the difference anymore? My life is my reach, my sight, what I hear, who I touch. Not always good. Not perfect. My goal is simple. To make progress.

Born with flesh of hardened steel and a sharp tongue

I told the imposter to leave

He was blood, but it poured over us instead of through us

A poison generations long

killed who he should have been

Hate possessed my father, and put demon in his place

I stood before him, he who wanted respect without earning it

he who hated us, blamed our mom, the breath of life for his miserable existence

and spent every waking moment sharing the misery

Mom is gone; deceased

Father alive: estranged

I have a family

I am happy

I am still shield and sword

I still protect my family

 

 

 

 

 

 

Revelation

Posted: June 4, 2017 in life lessons
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When the good hate, evil is at the controllers.

I think of you… sometimes when I’m lost

Wandering in the haze you created for me so long ago

We’re in the same room, but hearts apart

I believed you… in you

Until you proved me wrong.

Showed me your blood wasn’t strong

I asked you

Eye to eye who are you?

You lied.

I knew that was your reality

But I believed you…in you

Why not?

You said the words I wanted to be true

I thought of you the other day

Feeling sad

Surrounded by love

Two roles not filled

One by choice

The other…

I think of you…sometimes when I’m wandering

In the same room where your heart beats silent

Hoping one day you prove me right

To believe in yourself

Make that your reality

Why not?

It’s better to be surrounded by love

I’m not wrong

Though I try with every hesitant breath to be myself, there are times I do escape behind a mask. Sometimes I do not want to be seen, heard or engaged. Observing the world around me offers unfiltered insight and raw emotions. You can see much behind a mask, when they don’t see you peering out of its eyes….mouth. Doesn’t matter. Transformation happens within the span of a heart beat. If you blink you may miss the shine of a friend’s eye or the frown distorting your brothers face, in that moment when they think no one is paying attention.
When its time to lose the mask, I am seen and heard and engage with heart, sensitivity and genuine understanding. When we stand in the crowd as ourselves we don’t seem the same, but when we adorn our mask and watch, connections are obvious.