Posts Tagged ‘life’

The first pick up line used by the male species started with ugh and ended with an unconscious female being dragged by her hair into a cave. A few of these same immoral, unethical males still exist and use drugs and alcohol as their reel and hook. There are articles about how they hunt for drunk women in bars. Fortunately, more and more parents are teaching their children respect. Respect for themselves and respect for others. But there are those men/boys who can’t control their urges.

When my daughter was 15 she started dating a boy she’d met online. He lived close by so they met up in person at a Friendlys restaurant in the next town over. Me and her father dropped her off at the entrance. The kid sat on a bench waiting and got up as soon as he saw her. I glared at him through the driver’s side window. I’m very protective and this was her first date ever. Well, I’m not one to hover but I do watch and take note of people’s actions and what they say. I use these bits of information as puzzle pieces as a way to create a personality profile. Well, I had him pegged within a month of their relationship. He was a narcissist. During my daughter’s 16th birthday, he made my husband drive him to the store to get soda HE wanted and then to his house when he ripped his pants. (He was very Lucky I wasn’t there. My daughter went with them and it took a long time because (As was explained to me) he had to match his new pants with his jewelry and shirt. She missed a good portion of her own party!!! My daughter would invite him to family events and he’d lay across a whole couch with his head on her lap. I would tell him to get up each time but he’d always do it again. My daughter didn’t know how to say no. His disrespectful behavior shot a blazing red hot flag into my core.

One day soon after the mental warning, my instincts flared into overdrive. I pulled my daughter aside and told her what I was feeling. I told her he was going to try to have sex with her. She alluded to the fact that he was getting more handsy than she liked. It took every bit of willpower not to hunt him down and rip off his testicles. Instead, I gave her the ammunition to shoot him down. I told her, “He’ll say that he loves you and it’s what people who love each other do. I want you to say, that since he’s had sex with other people, obviously Love was not a factor.”

He did try to talk her into it the exact way I said he would and he did not like her rejection.

They broke up after that conversation, or rather he broke up with her. She was devastated despite the fact that he was an conniving asshole. Of course, she didn’t tell me the truth about why they broke up until fairly recently, but it was a win for her.

She’s 24 now, hard working, intelligent, and compassionate to a fault. I can no longer offer guidance, (She resists like a woman brainwashed), point out inconsistencies, and ultimately remove the current self benefiting person closing off her eyes, mouth and ears from reality. The words “I love you,” has yet again taken hold of her heart and closed off her mind. I can only hope she sees the truth before it’s too late.

 

I have three children, all adults now. My twenty-one year old daughter came to me today, furious. I thought something terrible had happened and jumped immediately into the protective mommy zone.  “The world is soo unfair,” she shouted. I cocked my head at the unexpected declaration. I’m fifty, so yeah, I know the world is unfair, but I let her vent. At age twelve, my tall slim little girl was diagnosed with severe scoliosis. After two major surgeries, her spine, through not significantly curved is still very twisted, giving her the lung capacity of an eighty year old and a bladder the size of a toddler. Her outrage was for the latter. “Why, in general, are men’s bathrooms equipped with several stalls and urinals and the women’s with just two stalls with one broken forever? I have to wait on line which makes me late for classes.” Once her rage took hold, she yelled about other venues and injustices women endure every single day.

The women reading this get it. Though the rights of validity, through protests and celebrity endorsements, have moved the scales (At a snail’s pace) closer together, it will be some time before architecture, medicine, rights, considerations, man made religions, etc… catch up to nature or die. And the old narcissist fearful, cowardice men in power gently fall into a forever sleep. It will happen, unfortunately not for me in this lifetime. Not that I sit back and let it happen. I fight. I was born with sharp teeth. Maybe when I’m reincarnated….I’ll get to experience nature’s balanced world or maybe another because the narcissists destroyed the earth to make their billions just before they died.

As women continued to step up, help each other, stand strong for one another and not fall folly to the manipulations of weak, cowardly men who demoralize them with the use of politics, religion and “Cause I said so, woman!” Even though I may not be your next door neighbor, I am with you. Women make up 51% of the USA population and that’s despite how many of us are killed/devalued by boyfriends, husbands, stalkers, predators who hate women because their own personal insecurities, men who blame women for their own disgusting weak thoughts. We are blamed for all of men’s weakness. Women are the blamed for original sin. (Man-made religions do that) Thank goodness these men are dying out and men with compassion who don’t need to belittle others to feel strong are thriving. Yay for that. We do not exist to be doormats. At one time, women kept tribes nourished by producing 70% of the food consumed.

Breastfeeding is 100% natural. To all those who have a problem with a mommy feeding their baby in public…. go enjoy yourself a cigarette!!!!

Thank you for reading!

Everyone says to be your true self. That the more you fake it the more lost you become. Hmm. I try to be my true self. It isn’t easy. It’s safer to hide behind a facade especially when you want to fit in. I must admit, I didn’t know who lived inside me until much later in my life when the universe goosed me out of my comfort zone. Before this unexpected steel tipped kick in the ass, I had one friend, my husband and children and family.  After, I wanted more friends. I saw facebook people having a ball. People from my past loling, partying basically having a grand ole time. I thought I’d been missing out. Nope. The problem? Everyone played different roles. Did I tell you I hated school because of all the clicks. Students didn’t need help dividing the school up. Burnouts, jocks, populars, nerds, geeks etc all who rarely overlapped. I was a nerd who weight trained and I did that in high school because before 9th grade, Bullies liked To target me. Don’t ask me why.  Anyway, when I finally found a group to party with, the people, I thought were friends, turned into ugly 13 year old bullies behind my back. So, I dumped that plan. I did make one good friend out of it.

Today, I was talking to someone I’ve known my whole life and they were explaining how they thought someone we both knew had changed so drastically. Now I know this person well (the person accused of changing) And I know for a fact they haven’t. So this got me thinking. Why did he think our friend changed? The answer? The person accused of changing, aged and as they aged their disguise became more and more oppressive until  who they really are, emerged. So the person I knew—- was the genuine article, while the person who accused him of changing was just getting to know the real him. Fascinating!!!

People are nuts. Myself included.

It starts inside. Loneliness. You own it. A seed you plant before awareness of the world, the truth of family and tradition. We all seek to fill the void we’ve created, but is it real? Some will tell you it’s not. Confusion will dizzy your mind and make you question what you feel.  You ask, “How do they know?” Because up until now, they knew everything. The older you get the more questions arise building a thick barrier made up of 100x more questions than answers. What once was simple is now a wind storm knocking you back making you rethink your true self. Your goal is at the end of your path that is littered with everyone else’s obstacles, fears and challenges. The journey is daunting and proved so far to be painful. Should you move forward? Yes. Traversing the warnings and forbidding’s from the inside of others is just one of your challenges. Set out to get to where you want to be. In the beginning, if you choose YOU, you will be more alone than you’ve ever felt, especially if fear is the glue that sticks your family and friends together. Truth be told, there is always someone who will try to talk you out of your journey. They will talk about the safety of home and their personal choice. Show you the world ahead through their eyes… their perspective. Remember, you have your own thoughts, desires and goals and you’re already scared and looking for that one reason not to take the first step away from home and the world you know. It is more than likely that their compassionate guidance will turn on you, especially if they were fear-talked out of seeking their hearts desires and the comfort of your stationary presence confirms their choice not to reach their goal. There’s no one more battle worn than someone fighting someone else’s battle. Understand that, when you are where you want to be, there is no fighting and no defending . Your armor is your heart and your weapon… five simple words. This. Is. Who. I. Am.

In return to learn

My spirit hungers for knowledge greater than any pain a challenge offers

Lessons are brutal

The scars I bear are the badges I display in every life I live

I chose them to lift me up or break me into little pieces of reflection

The more times I return insures deeper wounds

Greater feelings

Those around me and with me are handpicked by me

They’ll catch my tears or shove me into the hole I’ve dug for myself

and sometimes are the guides I refuse to hear

I started out a speck of barely anything

My steps forward were short and strenuous

Simple but momentous results did occur

They took on momentum the more I succeeded or failed

A diamond is coal under pressure for billions of years before becoming more

Not difficult to see the similarities

Nature is a blueprint of what we could be

Pay attention

Don’t take nature for granted

We are all part of each other

And never forget

Failure is part of learning

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. The name is as relevant as the person who named it and thus has very little consequence. A rose and its classification as a flower are titles given by the least of the world’s natural entities… human. It’s beauty is ranked in the eye of the individual beholder. There are humans who hate flowers and are disgusted by their presence, just as there are those who find fecal matter the end-all-and-be-all of life. I find myself arguing for the right of my perception to be valid rather than the legitimacy of my view point, more and more these days. The art of semantics. I should write that book. Perhaps after I finish the Waking Up Vampire series. The art of Semantics’ sub-title: Why people live by definition rather than consequence. or.. Why people need to blame a divine entity for their decisions when in reality it is where their consciousness leads them. I’m not exempt from the inconsistency of irrational thought. In fact, I spend a lot of time meditating on this intriguing phenomenon, so much that I can announce, in the moment before a crazy irrational, unreasonable tirade is about to take over my, normally pleasant (Yes. You can laugh) laid back temperament that I’m about to explode. I’m going to write more about this on my blog… after I finish writing/editing the last 200 plus pages of Waking Up Vampire.. in the next two weeks. To tide you over, be my guest and read Twisted Fate, by Mel Evers. A review would be wonderful and truly kiss-your-feet appreciated. Peace

I’m drowning in a sea of other people’s excuses. My nose is above water. I can’t make a sound. My body is moving but I’m not sure if I’m going anywhere because the sky above me changes on its own. If I look down, I will suffocate. Emotional pain has turned physical. My feet cycle around and around and my arms flutter like an injured bird. I try to tread water, but it is pointless. I want to stop. Let go. Drift below the surface with my eyes wide open and I want to scream. That’s not me.

So, what am I to do?

The only way to escape is to let the current take me, to let my body drift until I hit a sand bar where I can rest my overtaxed muscles and more importantly my waning thoughts. I’d lay on my back and stop. Stop thinking. Stop believing I could get on top of it all. Stop the beating of my heart for just a few moments. Hoping that deep pain will subside with it.

The truth is…it will pass and I will wade back into the waves as the small crests grow and the white foam swells and the power of the current sucks me in again. And as always, I will let go and let my body find that place of rest…