Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

A ring shatters the night calm

Shakes the sanity from deep inside

I know who it’s about

My heart rushes up into my throat

Rushed words

Despite our distance

We speed to the hospital

You never came to us, but we run to you

Heart over mind

Love devouring anger

No time for the past

Later or never

We run to you after you ran away from us

Reasons be damned

Tears will fall either way

When we say goodbye

The tether between us, snaps

Pain

Good or bad

We are who we are

Discord is nothing new to me

The place I grew up a toddler’s finger painting called chaos

Innocence dragged through the mud

Hosed off and kissed on the forehead

Pretend that didn’t happen

At intervals it didn’t

Until

Innocence was stripped to the bone at thirteen

Came out of the womb with my hand raised in the air

I’ve been on to you from day one

So, you think I don’t see the lie?

Even though I love you

I won’t let your false tears pass my guard

My tears are real, but you’ll never understand them

Just like I don’t know you

You don’t know me

Never will

Your decisions are forgiven

because

To see you there

Frightened 

The child in you peering out through your eyes

My mind surrenders to my broken heart

No one should be alone

Not even you

Not now

Sometimes I turn to pain for comfort, darkness to cleanse and numbness to escape it all. And then I fall.      Panic sets in.        I reach for the closest heart and fall faster.    There’s no room for laughter when tears fall and the life lived fades into the past. Looking forward through a pane of foggy glass.   I capturing glimpses of what could be, at the moment, because a breath changes everything.    His hand. Her shoulder. The innocence of a child. Fury and blood. What does it all mean? He kills. She kills. One a hero. The other a villain. Which is which? Do we know the difference anymore? My life is my reach, my sight, what I hear, who I touch. Not always good. Not perfect. My goal is simple. To make progress.

Born with flesh of hardened steel and a sharp tongue

I told the imposter to leave

He was blood, but it poured over us instead of through us

A poison generations long

killed who he should have been

Hate possessed my father, and put demon in his place

I stood before him, he who wanted respect without earning it

he who hated us, blamed our mom, the breath of life for his miserable existence

and spent every waking moment sharing the misery

Mom is gone; deceased

Father alive: estranged

I have a family

I am happy

I am still shield and sword

I still protect my family

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think of you… sometimes when I’m lost

Wandering in the haze you created for me so long ago

We’re in the same room, but hearts apart

I believed you… in you

Until you proved me wrong.

Showed me your blood wasn’t strong

I asked you

Eye to eye who are you?

You lied.

I knew that was your reality

But I believed you…in you

Why not?

You said the words I wanted to be true

I thought of you the other day

Feeling sad

Surrounded by love

Two roles not filled

One by choice

The other…

I think of you…sometimes when I’m wandering

In the same room where your heart beats silent

Hoping one day you prove me right

To believe in yourself

Make that your reality

Why not?

It’s better to be surrounded by love

I’m not wrong

Though I try with every hesitant breath to be myself, there are times I do escape behind a mask. Sometimes I do not want to be seen, heard or engaged. Observing the world around me offers unfiltered insight and raw emotions. You can see much behind a mask, when they don’t see you peering out of its eyes….mouth. Doesn’t matter. Transformation happens within the span of a heart beat. If you blink you may miss the shine of a friend’s eye or the frown distorting your brothers face, in that moment when they think no one is paying attention.
When its time to lose the mask, I am seen and heard and engage with heart, sensitivity and genuine understanding. When we stand in the crowd as ourselves we don’t seem the same, but when we adorn our mask and watch, connections are obvious.

I love my life. My mind is full. My moods swing up and down, feeling the thrill and fear, but will never stop the motion. I read hate and cry. I read lies and shout in frustration. To free your mind is to free-fall into everything. Anything is possible. I fuel love and starve negative seeds. It is my way. I will die high before lowered into the ground. Life is everything death is a transition we all forget.