Archive for May, 2017

My anxiety is through the roof. Heartbeat racing. Breathing staggered. I want to punch the bag for an hour. Won’t do any good. The reason for the turmoil is not something I ever prepared mentally for. Physically yes. But that would set the ball rolling toward bigger problems and anger management classes. I can manage my anger all by myself, or let it manage me. Both are conducive to my personality.  I ask advice from people with knowledge and let their words penetrate my injured soul. A mere bandage but comfort, nonetheless. Peroxide with a sting of reality to keep my feet firmly planted in the fertile soil fed by blood and hope from a stormy sky we all see. Not easy. Easy is the nurturing in the womb. The pain from protecting the life inside. Hard is when they leave. A mother’s reach limited to the mind you raised. Love is setting them free, to think to love to be, until someone comes along and tries to cage that what you’ve created to be prosperous. To be strong and independent. Reverse religion. Where once women were property and now fight for independence, there are those who are born with independence but false love shoves them in a box with no holes. Not even to breath so they don’t see. Excuses fall into the line of truth. Once the bough breaks and the baby falls, I will be there to catch them when they fall…And to render the threat obsolete. I will stand by and watch until I won’t.

It is in my nature to protect. I did it wrong for so long, but now I, mostly, have it right. I won’t help those who lived through pain and decisions unless asked. Those who are just beginning…to know agony… to struggle with choices…I will be the better me.

Langston Hughes Poem

Posted: May 2, 2017 in Uncategorized




Let America Be America Again

Langston Hughes, 19021967

Let America be America again.
Let it be the dream it used to be.
Let it be the pioneer on the plain
Seeking a home where he himself is free.

(America never was America to me.)

Let America be the dream the dreamers dreamed—
Let it be that great strong land of love
Where never kings connive nor tyrants scheme
That any man be crushed by one above.

(It never was America to me.)

O, let my land be a land where Liberty
Is crowned with no false patriotic wreath,
But opportunity is real, and life is free,
Equality is in the air we breathe.

(There’s never been equality for me,
Nor freedom in this “homeland of the free.”)

Say, who are you that mumbles in the dark? 
And who are you that draws your veil across the stars?

I am the poor white, fooled and pushed apart,
I am the Negro bearing slavery’s scars.
I am the red man driven from the land,
I am the immigrant clutching the hope I seek—
And finding only the same old stupid plan
Of dog eat dog, of mighty crush the weak.

I am the young man, full of strength and hope,
Tangled in that ancient endless chain
Of profit, power, gain, of grab the land!
Of grab the gold! Of grab the ways of satisfying need!
Of work the men! Of take the pay!
Of owning everything for one’s own greed!

I am the farmer, bondsman to the soil.
I am the worker sold to the machine.
I am the Negro, servant to you all.
I am the people, humble, hungry, mean—
Hungry yet today despite the dream.
Beaten yet today—O, Pioneers!
I am the man who never got ahead,
The poorest worker bartered through the years.

Yet I’m the one who dreamt our basic dream
In the Old World while still a serf of kings,
Who dreamt a dream so strong, so brave, so true,
That even yet its mighty daring sings
In every brick and stone, in every furrow turned
That’s made America the land it has become.
O, I’m the man who sailed those early seas
In search of what I meant to be my home—
For I’m the one who left dark Ireland’s shore,
And Poland’s plain, and England’s grassy lea,
And torn from Black Africa’s strand I came
To build a “homeland of the free.”

The free?

Who said the free?  Not me?
Surely not me?  The millions on relief today?
The millions shot down when we strike?
The millions who have nothing for our pay?
For all the dreams we’ve dreamed
And all the songs we’ve sung
And all the hopes we’ve held
And all the flags we’ve hung,
The millions who have nothing for our pay—
Except the dream that’s almost dead today.

O, let America be America again—
The land that never has been yet—
And yet must be—the land where every man is free.
The land that’s mine—the poor man’s, Indian’s, Negro’s, ME—
Who made America,
Whose sweat and blood, whose faith and pain,
Whose hand at the foundry, whose plow in the rain,
Must bring back our mighty dream again.

Sure, call me any ugly name you choose—
The steel of freedom does not stain.
From those who live like leeches on the people’s lives,
We must take back our land again,

O, yes,
I say it plain,
America never was America to me,
And yet I swear this oath—
America will be!

Out of the rack and ruin of our gangster death,
The rape and rot of graft, and stealth, and lies,
We, the people, must redeem
The land, the mines, the plants, the rivers.
The mountains and the endless plain—
All, all the stretch of these great green states—
And make America again!