Okay. What’s the deal with the do-nothing excuse? We are all responsible for the world we live in. Not the world-world, but our own personal universe. We give permission to the bad and good stuff t…

Source: Getting Old or Just Getting Fed Up?

Okay. What’s the deal with the do-nothing excuse? We are all responsible for the world we live in. Not the world-world, but our own personal universe. We give permission to the bad and good stuff that happens to us, but those who stand by and watch a terrible situation and then claim they did nothing to fuel it or de-escalate it, are, what I like to call deflectors. They sit back watching the carnage, whether it be verbal or physical, far enough away to avoid getting involved. It makes me crazy. I have always stepped in to defend family and friends. It’s a natural reaction for me. I’ve also defended myself a few times… albeit I should have been calmer and less aggressive after being blindsided with information that through me off my game. Since that reaction made me look insane the very real pain of betrayal went unacknowledged. When my “father” returned a gift unceremoniously, that my daughter got him on father’s day, I nearly broke down his door to get at him. That’s just one example. I don’t do that anymore. I’ve since learned that the sharp truth told within the coldness of calm and using the teeth of precision-wording are so much more effective. You can’t change what happened but you can make damn sure the perpetrator or perpetrators cannot hide behind your insane emotional response.

With a lot of meditation and a kaleidoscope of unique and unfamiliar perspectives, I’ve come to the determination that there is no bottom to ignorance, rationalizing and insanity.

Now I ask, “How do you do that?” How do you become impervious to shame and guilt? I used to be in the habit of reliving conversations to make sure I didn’t insult anyone. Parties were stressful. Going out was like dead man walking. I worried so much about everyone else that belittling myself, speaking little of my accomplishments and building up whomever I was talking to was my thing. I hated doing it. I even took blame for getting angry at something I had every damn right to get angry at. I Mean… what the hell?

Tells you a little something about the people I chose to surround myself with. I have long since hugged the little girl who believed she didn’t deserve better and offered her my protection. I now am innocent when treated the way I deserve to be and well, you’ll not only know you’ve offended me, but by the time I’m through with you, you’ll be trying to scrub shame and guilt off your whole body.

People suck!

Not everyone, and those unworthy of a deserving person are easy to spot…If you’re not afraid of stirring the oil. Let’s see… this is my list of soul suckers that will always be weeded from my garden.

Claims that are not followed up by supporting actions

Dodging guilt by blaming others

Lies

One sided benefits

Require an explanation of who you are instead of getting to know you

Speak cruelly behind your back

Make you feel like a monster rather than human

Flaky

Egomaniac

Self-serving beyond reason

Utterly selfish (to be happy, you need to be a

 

I’ve hit an age of intolerance of stupidity and carelessness. I know how I want to be treated and I am fully prepared to treat those deserving souls with respect and hopefully I do. I want all my relationships to be honest, loving and most of all respectful. I would rather someone tell me to F**k off than to pretend everything is fine. Blind hope will walk you into self-loathing. My steam has turned cold, so I’ll stop here.

little selfish)

Etc…

 

 

"Menome" the sense of self… or is there?.

Self accusation is the result of other people’s criticisms invading your world.

a past moment reflected into black light.

Thought of you today. A moment. Not even a second. For the first time there was no pain. No anxiety. No wonders. No whys. I thought of you and shrugged. My world is balanced now. Precise. Full of happy mistakes and carefree adventures. Understanding is a given. Judgment, a crumpled piece of paper from the past, just another story thrown to the cutting room floor. I can’t even remember why or maybe I no longer care, but it’s a good thing. A good feeling to know how to shrug and to not walk away but wander off in a different direction. Always something new and exciting around that corner, if I allow it to be. Otherwise a different direction, another option and another new adventure awaits. Sorry I took you seriously. You weren’t that kind.

Over the Rainbow.