Archive for the ‘life lessons’ Category

Revelation

Posted: June 4, 2017 in life lessons
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When the good hate, evil is at the controllers.

I think of you… sometimes when I’m lost

Wandering in the haze you created for me so long ago

We’re in the same room, but hearts apart

I believed you… in you

Until you proved me wrong.

Showed me your blood wasn’t strong

I asked you

Eye to eye who are you?

You lied.

I knew that was your reality

But I believed you…in you

Why not?

You said the words I wanted to be true

I thought of you the other day

Feeling sad

Surrounded by love

Two roles not filled

One by choice

The other…

I think of you…sometimes when I’m wandering

In the same room where your heart beats silent

Hoping one day you prove me right

To believe in yourself

Make that your reality

Why not?

It’s better to be surrounded by love

I’m not wrong

Though I try with every hesitant breath to be myself, there are times I do escape behind a mask. Sometimes I do not want to be seen, heard or engaged. Observing the world around me offers unfiltered insight and raw emotions. You can see much behind a mask, when they don’t see you peering out of its eyes….mouth. Doesn’t matter. Transformation happens within the span of a heart beat. If you blink you may miss the shine of a friend’s eye or the frown distorting your brothers face, in that moment when they think no one is paying attention.
When its time to lose the mask, I am seen and heard and engage with heart, sensitivity and genuine understanding. When we stand in the crowd as ourselves we don’t seem the same, but when we adorn our mask and watch, connections are obvious.

Silver Series Book 1

Posted: March 25, 2017 in life lessons, Novels
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Unlike most stories you read in novels, living is raw, messy and unpredictable. A lot of people read to escape the chaos, make up for the lack of romance, imagine the fantasy of being a superhero or just to laugh, because it’s the only time they do. Waking Up Vampire, is not like that. It’s sweaty and disappointing at times.. It depicts the life of a woman confused about love and trust. It reveals the blinders of hate and the possibilities that lie beyond. Since the heroine is confused… I write confusion. She is stubborn and angry, so I write her stubborn and angry. Insight is sporadic because she draws it from a fractured past where a lot is given was then taken away. The ideals, we take for granted, like the love of a parent are not clear to her. Her grasp on expected concepts stay in constant emotion like a yo-yo, because of the atmosphere she grew up in. Love, Hate, indifference. Fighting. Never good enough. Black sheep. I write her that way. I want my wonderful readers to feel as well as understand the confusion and internal struggle she deals with every second of her life.
And when I add unconditional love… The vulnerable. The pain. The giving. I want readers to feel her grow. Feel her pain. Feel her need. Because escaping and healing a brutal past is something most of us go through.aunt-melindas-book-final-with-text-10-14-16

I love my life. My mind is full. My moods swing up and down, feeling the thrill and fear, but will never stop the motion. I read hate and cry. I read lies and shout in frustration. To free your mind is to free-fall into everything. Anything is possible. I fuel love and starve negative seeds. It is my way. I will die high before lowered into the ground. Life is everything death is a transition we all forget.

Anxiety

Posted: March 9, 2017 in life lessons
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I am a strong woman who cries beneath blankets on my bed. Why? Now it’s from joy. Before, it was because my son suffered and I didn’t know it. And because I didn’t listen I made it worse. It’s a lesson I will never forget and a mistake I will never repeat.

This is the first year I could lower my guard, and dance the sly dance with an unseen demon without destroying my son in the process. He suffers from anxiety.

You can’t reason with anxiety. You can only learn to cope until the unwarranted bite from adrenaline is no longer associated with fear or a sense of doom.

From elementary school–until now–eleventh grade, was an uphill battle. A battle to get him to school. A battle to make him eat. A battle to make him smile. He’d lost so much weight one year,  we had to take him to a special hospital. Watching him melt into a gaunt, pale six-foot fourteen year old forced me to bog down into a fire that licked my heart everyday.

In the beginning, I thought like all fourth graders, he hated school. He cried and fought every step to the door. I cried and worried when I got home. This went on until middle school when he complained about his stomach. Soon after that his throat had issues which made it difficult for him to leave the house. I brought him to the pediatrician a few times but received the same response. It was nerves and he had to go to school. So he cried. I cried. And we both got angry. Every morning the stress grew until I decided to take him to a specialist. An ears nose and throat doctor.

Finally one answer. He had acid reflux. (Has)

He was put on medication and it did help his stomach and throat, but he still did not want to go to school. I needed more help. I couldn’t do this on my own.

We tried a therapist. It helped until this therapist fed his anxiety by feeding into his wish of home schooling. That’s when he lost a lot of weight. Fortunately the children’s hospital helped.

Next step, a friend referred a psychiatrist. He saw my son a few times to gauge his symptoms and then he put him on medication. I had always been vehemently against medicating children. I had to decide which was worse, trying to help the symptoms with medication or watch my son fall deeper and deeper into a depression that made him  lash out.

This Dr. is good. He didn’t go crazy or put him on anything that changed my son’s personality. My son is a funny, smart and creative kid. After a couple of months, with the help of this doctor, my son emerged. The happy go lucky kid I remember from kindergarten. It took a little while… a year to get the dosing correct, but now, though he still struggles, with the help of the medication, he can navigate the fog. I am so proud of him. He deals with his anxiety every day and everyday he wins more ground.

My children are my life. To watch any one of them suffer kills me. The greatest lesson I learned is, when any one of them are having a problem, to take myself out of the equation, don’t make it personal and to sit back and listen. They need me on their side, not against them when they are struggling with things they don’t understand.

It’s personal. DNA supported. Ancestrally complicated. And none of your damn business.

Okay. Ill give you a bit of something to take away from this obnoxious Diddy.

I don’t fear small minded people. Not my problem.

What I do fear cannot be changed by sitting back and eating popcorn.

The only course of action is take the bull by the balls and swing him around a few times.

Vulnerability speaks above bullshit.

Silence. On the outside.

Strategizing on the inside.

If you listen— the answer will come.

When you close your eyes and shut off your ears — don’t be surprised by an ambush.

Be prepared with a genuine smile

Sincerity emboldens

Believing you know more…is debilitating

Pursue happiness by keeping the know-it-all’s snapping the air at your heels

Observe with a shut mouth.

And finally— your path is your own.

You may find yourself on someone else’s path… or not.

If you allow them to pull you….you will fail the greater goal.

Lessons learned through experience stay forever.

False learning is fair weathered

Peace. Love. Respect