Posts Tagged ‘anger’

Discord is nothing new to me

The place I grew up a toddler’s finger painting called chaos

Innocence dragged through the mud

Hosed off and kissed on the forehead

Pretend that didn’t happen

At intervals it didn’t

Until

Innocence was stripped to the bone at thirteen

Came out of the womb with my hand raised in the air

I’ve been on to you from day one

So, you think I don’t see the lie?

Even though I love you

I won’t let your false tears pass my guard

My tears are real, but you’ll never understand them

Just like I don’t know you

You don’t know me

Never will

Your decisions are forgiven

because

To see you there

Frightened 

The child in you peering out through your eyes

My mind surrenders to my broken heart

No one should be alone

Not even you

Not now

Say Thank You
Say thank you. Say thank you to the women who gave you a voice. Say thank you to the women who were arrested and imprisoned and beaten and gassed for you to have a voice. Say thank you to the women who refused to back down, to the women who fought tirelessly to give you a voice. Say thank you to the women who put their lives on hold, who –lucky for you — did not have “better things to do” than to march and protest and rally for your voice. So you don’t feel like a “second class citizen.” So you get to feel “equal.”
Thank Susan B. Anthony and Alice Paul for your right to vote.
Thank Elizabeth Stanton for your right to work.
Thank Maud Wood Park for your prenatal care and your identity outside of your husband.
Thank Rose Schneiderman for your humane working conditions.
Thank Eleanor Roosevelt and Molly Dewson for your ability to work in politics and affect policy.
Thank Margaret Sanger for your legal birth control.
Thank Carol Downer for your reproductive healthcare rights.
Thank Sarah Muller for your equal education.
Thank Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Shannon Turner, Gloria Steinem, Zelda Kingoff Nordlinger, Rosa Parks, Angela Davis, Malika Saada Saar, Wagatwe Wanjuki, Ida B. Wells, Malala Yousafzai. Thank your mother, your grandmother, your great-grandmother who did not have half of the rights you have now.
You can make your own choices, speak and be heard, vote, work, control your body, defend yourself, defend your family, because of the women who marched. You did nothing to earn those rights. You were born into those rights. You did nothing, but you reap the benefits of women, strong women, women who fought misogyny and pushed through patriarchy and fought for you. And you sit on your pedestal, a pedestal you are fortunate enough to have, and type. A keyboard warrior. A fighter for complacency. An acceptor of what you were given. A denier of facts. Wrapped up in your delusion of equality.
You are not equal. Even if you feel like you are. You still make less than a man for doing the same work. You make less as a CEO, as an athlete, as an actress, as a doctor. You make less in government, in the tech industry, in healthcare.
You still don’t have full rights over your own body. Men are still debating over your uterus. Over your prenatal care. Over your choices.
You still have to pay taxes for your basic sanitary needs.
You still have to carry mace when walking alone at night. You still have to prove to the court why you were drunk on the night you were raped. You still have to justify your behavior when a man forces himself on you.
You still don’t have paid (or even unpaid) maternity leave. You still have to go back to work while your body is broken. While you silently suffer from postpartum depression.
You still have to fight to breastfeed in public. You still have to prove to other women it’s your right to do so. You still offend others with your breasts.
You are still objectified. You are still catcalled. You are still sexualized. You are still told you’re too skinny or you’re too fat. You’re still told you’re too old or too young. You’re applauded when you “age gracefully.” You’re still told men age “better.” You’re still told to dress like a lady. You are still judged on your outfit instead of what’s in your head. What brand bag you have still matters more than your college degree.
You are still being abused by your husband, by your boyfriend. You’re still being murdered by your partners. Being beaten by your soulmate.
You are still worse off if you are a woman of color, a gay woman, a transgender woman. You are still harassed, belittled, dehumanized.
Your daughters are still told they are beautiful before they are told they are smart. Your daughters are still told to behave even though “boys will be boys.” Your daughters are still told boys pull hair or pinch them because they like them.
You are not equal. Your daughters are not equal. You are still systemically oppressed.
Estonia allows parents to take up to three years of leave, fully paid for the first 435 days. United States has no policy requiring maternity leave.
Singapore’s women feel safe walking alone at night. American women do not.
New Zealand’s women have the smallest gender gap in wages, at 5.6%. United States’ pay gap is 20%.
Iceland has the highest number of women CEOs, at 44%. United States is at 4.0%.
The United States ranks at 45 for women’s equality. Behind Rwanda, Cuba, Philippines, Jamaica.
But I get it. You don’t want to admit it. You don’t want to be a victim. You think feminism is a dirty word. You think it’s not classy to fight for equality. You hate the word pussy. Unless of course you use it to call a man who isn’t up to your standard of manhood. You know the type of man that “allows” “his” woman to do whatever she damn well pleases. I get it. You believe feminists are emotional, irrational, unreasonable. Why aren’t women just satisfied with their lives, right? You get what you get and you don’t get upset, right?
I get it. You want to feel empowered. You don’t want to believe you’re oppressed. Because that would mean you are indeed a “second-class citizen.” You don’t want to feel like one. I get it. But don’t worry. I will walk for you. I will walk for your daughter. And your daughter’s daughter. And maybe you will still believe the world did not change. You will believe you’ve always had the rights you have today. And that’s okay. Because women who actually care and support other women don’t care what you think about them. They care about their future and the future of the women who come after them.
Open your eyes. Open them wide. Because I’m here to tell you, along with millions of other women that you are not equal. Our equality is an illusion. A feel-good sleight of hand. A trick of the mind. I’m sorry to tell you, but you are not equal. And neither are your daughters.
But don’t worry. We will walk for you. We will fight for you. We will stand up for you. And one day you will actually be equal, instead of just feeling like you are.
~ Dina Leygerman, 2017

Is about a woman, subconsciously, fighting for the love of the father who abandoned her.

Luigina Silver’s parents’ twisted and volatile relationship skewed her sense of love and hate, and as she grew older, turned the empathetic, passionate woman, cruel and unforgiving. After her sister is murdered by a vampire, Lu is recruited by an agency that handles all things vampire. Lu’s dark heart leads her into the delusion that she is human kind’s only hope and becomes reckless and a danger to herself in her pursuit to eradicate all vampires. Lu hopes, ultimately to avenge her sister’s death and prove to her father that she is not worthless.

And then Luigina becomes one of the vile creatures she hates to her core.

Michelle, another agent in love with the hot-headed vampire killer, holds the key to Lu’s salvation and a secret that will most likely destroy them both; Michelle’s heart and her betrayal in the name of love. Accepting Michelle’s confession is only part one of Lu’s journey.

Love may conquer all in most cases, but Luigina must face a far more difficult challenge if she is to pass the test all vampires face in order to avoid execution.

Only, she isn’t slated for execution. If she fails, Luigina will be entombed, never to be reborn.

Luigina must face and forgive the man that blames her for her sister’s death.

Second book in the series coming soon!

It’s early morning and I haven’t slept. I’m pondering the outcome of “our” election. The sun came up as usual and my daughter’s cat is being annoying—as usual, so nothing, at this point has changed. I’ve been reading Facebook posts. The reactions are weighed down on opposite sides of the spectrum.

In my opinion, others have voted in a hypocrite, which is the worst kind of liar, but there is nothing I can do about him.

That being said…

My world is my own. I will remain true to who I am. I will oppose all those who try to take away my rights. I will step up and solidify my community’s security by keeping an eye out for anyone being a bigoted, homophobic, misogynistic, xenophobic, racist bullies and put my life and integrity in the line of fire to keep this “leader’s influence from touching my neighbors, family and friends. I have and will always help a stranger either by donating food and or money. People who suffer and are afraid, have me on their side. People who are targeted because of their religion or skin color are, always in my eyes, my brothers and sisters related by our bond as human beings collectively.

I want to rant and vent. I want to scream and punch my punching bag until it’s nothing but a dangling piece of fabric.

What good would that do?

The sooner I move on spiritually, the better off I will be.

I’ve always believed, that no matter how bad something is, there is an inexplicable reason for it. And, some of the time,  we won’t know why until after we’ve moved on from life on earth to review our challenges and lessons. So, God bless us all. (My God. Not yours.) I really hope people were right about him.  Time will tell.

You made me stronger….Despite you

 

I was tethered by blood struggling to be free

Every uttered strike hitting their mark

Bloodying my soul

Weakening my mind

 

I was young for a short time

And then I wasn’t

Born with a forgiving spirit

I gave you the chance at redemption

But you didn’t know I was just waiting for my prime

You no longer required emotional reception

So it became my time

 

I realized everything you said was wrong

 

And stood my ground.

And I didn’t hurt you to free myself.

 

Purging Anger…

The angry beat burrows into my heart to attack my soul

Pulls out my spirit

Holding it captive

While it drains the rage

Turning flames into ash

Then drops it back in

I rest peacefully

 

Here’s my heart…

 

It is exactly how it happened

Our worlds crashed

Blues eyes met brown

Exploding into meaning and purpose

They shattered and reformed

I tried to run away

But you stood your ground

Didn’t push didn’t pull

I had to make a choice

Be alive

Or live

I chose to live

Twenty one years later

Three beautiful children

My laughter couldn’t be more power

My smile… brighter

I’m standing on top of my world

And I’m not alone