Archive for April, 2017


My daughter recommended this book to me, after I asked her what kind of books she read for “fun”. Let me say that, my daughter is not your usual, go out, party, throw caution to the wind, type of girl. She’s serious. Thinks about her future, cares for her friends and has somehow learned to balance taking care of herself and taking care of others. At the time of the recommendation, she was in Junior High, and were friends with people who were seen as low on the totem pole (I used to be one of those kids). Like me, she didn’t hesitate to have her friends’ backs and did what was necessary when one of them was terrorized by an anonymous peer. (Someone was putting little notes in the girl’s backpack, telling her to kill herself) My daughter is direct, thoughtful, intelligent, and not easily manipulated. The stories she used to come home with, were terrifying. I don’t remember life (outside my home) being that stressful.

So, not surprised she read this book.

I read Thirteen Reasons Why. Yes, I’m an adult. I absorbed the story through a mature filter, and found it to be terrifying as well as an eye-opener. The novel told a tale of tragedy from an unique perspective that forced me to change the way I think. Anything or anyone who can make me rethink a specific thought process, I deem impressive.

Why is this story important?

All of my children, two daughters and one son, suffer from anxiety, as do I, but how each of us deals with it, is different. My daughters have a full understanding of what triggers their anxiety and make a great effort, in the moment of an episode, to talk themselves down. Not easy. Sometimes not effective. Talking and or hugging helps. A change of scenery for an hour or two, if possible, or a form of meditation are some of the things we do to get back on track. Being a mother who understands is helpful. My son, though, also has depression. This is not something I personally understand.  I know depression causes both physical and emotional pain. I know that, in some cases, suicide is a result of escaping that unbearable pain. People don’t want to kill themselves. They want to feel better. The only time I ever thought I’d be better off dead, was while I battled cancer. Between the medication keeping my mind stable and chemotherapy, my emotions were ping-ponging all over the place. There were times when I felt absolutely nothing. Numb. Critical thinking and never wanting to leave my children got me through those moments.

But imagine not knowing where this pain is coming from?

Believing that horrible events, one after another, in your life, could never be overcome?

Thinking you’re completely alone?

Becoming distant because no one sees and no one will understand.

My son would come to me telling me he was in pain. A pain that burned deep inside, fueled by his own emotions, making him suffer. I thank the Goddess every day that he told me. How do I heal that? How do I fix it. He’s in therapy, sees a psychiatrist and takes medication. I was always against the use of medications until his pain was so great, he came to me crying for help. When he’s hanging over that emotional cliff, holding on for dear life, I make sure (as best as I can) to dangle beside him, holding his hand, while reaching up and grabbing hold of the rest of my family’s wrists.

I’m a little on the crazy side. I’m a very very very hands on mom. I practically (No. I do) study my children’s behavior. (This crazy endeavor of studying body language and different speech inflections, started when I was 13. Whole different story why) If I see something off about the way they speak, or act, I’m on them, asking questions. Making them speak to me or asking if talking to someone else would be better. I don’t care, as long as someone, I trust, supports them.

A couple of people from my past committed suicide. One person whom I played with as a child. It’s scary and heart wrenching at a distance.  I can’t imagine it hitting close to home.

****I haven’t seen the TV series yet. I want to. My children are young adults, but I still would prefer to watch it with them for the discussion possibilities. I’m always interested in their perspective. Their clarity about a situation is sometimes greater than mine.

Fear, anger, banning, hiding your head, closing your ears will not stop people from committing suicide. The word DEPRESSION does not adequately describe the level of pain a person is feeling, when they are considering putting a gun to the head of the monster inside, causing them this pain, to blow their head off. It scrambles sense and sensibility, has razor sharp teeth, heavy chains and worst of all is invisible to the most powerful microscope in the world (Scanning Transmission Electron Microscope (STEM).

Just because someone looks healthy, laughs, and seems sound, doesn’t mean they are. Knowledge is the best weapon in our arsenal. Use it.







I Am A Shield

Posted: April 30, 2017 in Uncategorized

I was watching this video of a woman sharing her story as a survivor. It had me thinking… Although I feel I am in the process of healing and moving on I question myself if the verbal abuse I went through or the domestic violence I witnessed is just an imagination. I know it isn’t […]

via Through the eyes of their daughter… — Gift of Light

Book Review

Posted: April 21, 2017 in Book reviews

Riley, by George Pizzo

5 stars

Quick moving, emotion rollercoaster. Riley, like all young men and women, wants success now. As a mother with three young adults, this story followed my belief that we all have lessons to learn.

Book Review

Posted: April 19, 2017 in Book reviews

Reflections, by Clifton Kenny.

5 stars
Reflections, in my perception, is a coming of age story mixed with the paranormal. I really loved the way the story is told and the different avenues it takes to see all sides of how one person deals with the ordinary hardships of growing up, spiced with a few incredible aspects, turning growing up into a spectacular journey. What brought it all together, for me was the addition of loyal friends and siblings. Looking forward to the next in line.


I think of you… sometimes when I’m lost

Wandering in the haze you created for me so long ago

We’re in the same room, but hearts apart

I believed you… in you

Until you proved me wrong.

Showed me your blood wasn’t strong

I asked you

Eye to eye who are you?

You lied.

I knew that was your reality

But I believed you…in you

Why not?

You said the words I wanted to be true

I thought of you the other day

Feeling sad

Surrounded by love

Two roles not filled

One by choice

The other…

I think of you…sometimes when I’m wandering

In the same room where your heart beats silent

Hoping one day you prove me right

To believe in yourself

Make that your reality

Why not?

It’s better to be surrounded by love

I’m not wrong

Twisted Fate

Posted: April 7, 2017 in Novels
Tags: , , , , ,

FINAL TW.F.My new book will be available on Amazon tomorrow. Not part of Silver Series, this story holds its own, but takes place in the same world but different city. A love conquers all… story. Really enjoyed writing this one. No therapy or hard lessons depicted in the first novel. Just Love and respect. and perhaps a happily ever after ending. —–> What is love at first sight? Racing hearts? Bated breath? The beginning of happily ever after?
Not for these two women.
Sage wants the raw messy connection of true love so she ignores a reoccurring dream that depicts her certain death by an unknown vampire, and escapes the comfortable quaint town she lives in, to move to the impulsiveness of a noisy, vampire speckled city.
Dr. Melissa Craft, a two hundred and fifty-year old vampire, exists to help others navigate the treacherous paths of other people’s lives and nothing else. She loved once, but that ended after she was turned into a monster and her lover was murdered. Since then, she’s dug her heels in and avoided a romantic relationship at all costs.
When Sage and Melissa meet for the first time, it’s love at first sight.
A heart looking for love, races and a heart, long dead, feels again.
Reality gets in their way.