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Yesterday I had an… I’ll call it an epiphany. Although it was slowly rolling closer like a cresting wave flowing through the ocean that suddenly turned into a tsunami. And yes, it dragged me under, threw me about and deprived me of air. Worse yet, my heart suffocated to the point of death and the only way to survive was to fight my perceptions of “what is” to see the truth. The truth is always so much more painful. It is my burden alone to recognize the world around me. To take cues from words and make assumptions that make us feel better about ourselves. I missed the actions stating the blaring obvious that I was wrong, because being wrong would hurt. I hurt. It’s my fault that I hurt. I’m usually guarded. Observant. Skeptical of the world. Sometimes I forget that people are human. I’ve put some on pedestals in the past which turned out to be catastrophic. Pain teaches you, until the pain subsides and you think you’ve learned. And I did. But it takes more than one slap in the face to teach you not to offer your cheek to everyone. It’s sad but true. Everyone you let in, you give the power to hurt you. Risk is part of life. Without taking risks, there is no life. But I digress.

There have been a few times in my life when I came crawling back to my husband and children, licking my wounds. Their love is true and unconditional. Our relationships respectful because of the full understanding of boundaries. Boundaries that were precisely erected over time using arguments, love and respect as binding agents.

This time, I licked my wounds in silence, using Reiki healing techniques my sister taught me. I engaged my higher self and rooted my being to earth. Once my heart’s ache subsided to the point where giving in to the pain was no longer an option, I knew what I had to do. My decision will go against my nature, but sometimes that’s a must. I don’t expect others to make and effort understand me. Nor do I want them to. The difference will be subtle to the world, but rendering to my instincts. It will take a while, but eventually standing behind this necessary deep line will become part of my balance and will keep me on a new, albeit, positive path.

I learned a long time ago that I am responsible for anything that happens in my life. Blaming others for not being who I wanted them to be created an issue where I felt exonerated in the emotional fall out. I don’t believe in the bigger person concept. That just makes me a false martyr. A very sad, angry and delusional “Bigger Person”. A bigger pain in the ass to everyone.

So, when an emotional tsunami hits, I let it pull me under, smash me against anger and hurt until I break its hold and I’m dumped onto the hot sand on my back, arms splayed looking at the storm rolling above. I understand I’m there because I swam to far, passed where I should have been, and entered the deep waters where I could no longer escape  the cataclysmic wave. I’m sorry for stepping over the line. I’m sorry for being oblivious of the boundaries. Complete peace won’t return any time soon, which will make it easier for me to see the line.

 

Susanna Madora Salter

Susanna Madora SalterFirst woman mayor in the U.S. 1860-1961

Soon after Kansas women gained the right to vote in municipal elections, voters elected a woman as mayor of Argonia. Susanna Madora Salter was elected the first woman mayor in the United States.

Born March 2, 1860, in Belmont County, Ohio, Susanna Madora Kinsey moved to a Kansas farm with her parents in 1872. Eight years later, while attending the Kansas State Agricultural College, she met and married Lewis Salter. The couple soon moved to Argonia where she cared for their young children and became an officer in the local Woman’s Christian Temperance Union.

Nominated on the Prohibition Party ticket by several Argonia men as a joke, Salter surprised the group and received two-thirds of the votes. She was elected in April 4, 1887, just weeks after Kansas women had gained the right to vote in city elections. The 27-year-old woman knew more about politics than her detractors realized. She was the daughter of the town’s first mayor. Her father-in-law, Melville J. Salter, was a former Kansas lieutenant governor.

Bote written by the mayor of Argonia to Susanna (Dora) Salter informing her that she had been elected mayor. CLICK TO ENLARGEAlthough she apparently performed her job well, Salter never sought another elected office. Within a few years, the Salters moved to Oklahoma where the nation’s first woman mayor died in 1961 at the age of 101.

Welcome to the Fantasy of Arms. Guns do not provide protection in reality. It’s all fantasy. Show me one person who actually succeeded in protecting themselves or someone else and Ill show you thousands who have died from gun violence and friendly fire. This notion that we have a right to protect ourselves with a gun is inspired by those who haven’t the faintest idea of what it’s like to shoot a gun whether under stress, with chaos ensuing and is ignorant about what really happens when you point one. The police carry guns. They are confronted with bad guys with guns all the time. They are well trained in tactical warfare. They are trained to stand in the line of fire and to talk down a nut with a gun. You really think the average person will succeed against someone who will kill you? The responsible people, who know the power and repercussions of pulling a gun on another person, want stricter laws. They are aren’t bitching and complaining about their rights, which are intact, they are doing their best to keep the rest of our rights intact. Like the freedom to go to a concert without becoming a carnival target. There has to be a beginning to end 8000+ gun related homicides and the thousands more that are friendly fire including children killing themselves. If you entertain the idea that the government will take away gun rights… that’s another fantasy the NRA and gun lobbyists want you to believe this so you yell about your rights. I, my children, my friends, my family should have the right to go out to parties, concerts, school, walk down the street without some gun toting malevolent insane gun activist shooting his glory into the crowd. When our founding fathers created this law… the guns they spoke about, took 30 seconds to load and then fire. I wonder how many people would be alive from all mass shootings if the law kept to that type of gun? Cause let me tell you. If you are defending yourself, and you miss on the first shot with any gun… you are DEAD. b9efe37bca9161aede1d46ba735c4687

  1. Their response wasn’t a miracle you ass! These people are heroes despite their job to help. Nameless others jumped into save complete strangers. Do you remember 9/11? People saving people. I know you haven’t a clue what selflessness means or the definition of Miracle or what it would take to create a miracle. It would be a Miracle if you put your selfish ideals aside and really focused your attention on the residents of the USA. instead you put a Nuclear target on our back and divided us by race, orientation and religion. And you idealize a Russian mobster. Your a wanna-be-Putin. What people fail to realize is you don’t care. Your lack of knowledge in history and law and compassion show every time you open your mouth. You signed a bill to give gun rights to the mentally ill. Ryan is backing a bill to allow people to legally obtain silencers. All this effort in death. What about working on our lives. You said everyone will be so rich they won’t be able to stand it. I knew you meant your billionaire friends, but you got elected on lies and hate. A true Miracle would be if you admitted it. You know how many deaths that would prevent? A miracle would be you growing a brain. A Real miracle would be stepping out of this “I care about everyone” and announce the truth. You were raised to care only about yourself. You were right about one thing when you ran for office. There was something wrong with the government. You getting elected proved JUST how corrupt it is. People lost their mothers, sons, daughter, fathers, aunts uncles etc. Young to old to gun violence and you barely bat an eye. Thousands of people are murdered a year by firearms. More by accidental shootings. Those facts have been ignored by other presidents who’ve fought selfishly for gun rights. So you’re not alone in your Someone disrespects a flag, and you go all ape shit. A flag is not more important than the people it represents. If we are treated like casualties of your insane sense of right, that flag no longer represents us. Just YOU! You spend all of your time golfing, watching Fox news and opinionated deviants such as Brietbart and Alex jones, proving just how out of touch with reality you really are. I refused to hate you…That would require emotion. I do feel bad for those you’ve tricked and continue to fool. I have no idea what they see in you. But I see you. And I hope that, as a people we will deny you the death toll you’re working towards by the end of your reign of death and hate.

Waking Up Vampire

Posted: September 2, 2017 in Uncategorized

I finished the first draft of the sequel to Waking Up Vampire: Love Bites. I apologize for the delay. Life here is hectic and I’m loving every minute. The craziness makes my stories profound and relatable. Any way. Twisted Fate is also under reconstruction. I hired a professional editor. The new addition will be available soon. Next in line for a “re-vamp” is Waking Up Vampire, book 1. Once I polish the sequel, I will send it off to the editor. I appreciate your patience and understanding.

To Whom It May Relate…

Posted: June 2, 2017 in Uncategorized

My Goddess’s idea of a rainbow is not pleasant to the naked eye, like a magnificent painting. We are harsh to observe. Contrasts that show a difference. Earth colors, natural, strong. We are, and are not flowers, virgin waters, the result of a storm. Where we come from shapes us, sculpts our attributes to survive, grow, thrive. We are given colors for emotion. Red for angry. Blue for sad. Green for envy. We don’t need symbols, we need to see, to experience, to embrace to have understanding and compassion. To voyage around outside of the world you’ve built, created, those walls dividing ignorance and comfort zone. I say Goddess, but really it is I who believes this, these things which I had to learn through hardship, fear and wonder and belonging. My parents were like yours. Biased, bigotry, sometimes harsh, sometimes gentle, loving in the way they knew how, the way they were taught, stuck in their beliefs handed down by their parents. Somewhat lost in interpretation from generation to generation, maybe you’re a little less harsh and more understanding. Or your anger is deep and the harshness you resented, as a child, is magnified in your behavior. Sometimes you can see what you feared, despised, interpreted as a child and then puzzled out as an adult, to become you. No regrets. No guilt. Being who you are. Underneath the color of your skin where your truth lies. A place others should travel to understand, to dig to feel to touch but most don’t. Too caught up in the color of their own skin. Stuck in the shell, inside their parents’ cage. Defeated or weak or giving up the search for the two keys that would surely set you free. Forgetting that we’re not alone in our misery or our happiness. If you scream, others will come, help, support your journey toward freedom. They cannot give you those keys, but understand the plight of what it took to free them from their own.
Those who believe that tranquility comes from controlling others will forever be, frowning, stuck in thoughts about ways to control, the uncontrollable. The universe has a way of helping them, too. An endeavor you must stay away from, to help from a distance by showing compassion and love and strength where it is the most depleted. All are my family. Humans’, mammals, trees, Earth. Choose to be the beautiful Rose, or the stem on which it grows, or the thorns that protect it. But don’t be the foot that tramples it, because the beauty of it all is not something you can control.

My anxiety is through the roof. Heartbeat racing. Breathing staggered. I want to punch the bag for an hour. Won’t do any good. The reason for the turmoil is not something I ever prepared mentally for. Physically yes. But that would set the ball rolling toward bigger problems and anger management classes. I can manage my anger all by myself, or let it manage me. Both are conducive to my personality.  I ask advice from people with knowledge and let their words penetrate my injured soul. A mere bandage but comfort, nonetheless. Peroxide with a sting of reality to keep my feet firmly planted in the fertile soil fed by blood and hope from a stormy sky we all see. Not easy. Easy is the nurturing in the womb. The pain from protecting the life inside. Hard is when they leave. A mother’s reach limited to the mind you raised. Love is setting them free, to think to love to be, until someone comes along and tries to cage that what you’ve created to be prosperous. To be strong and independent. Reverse religion. Where once women were property and now fight for independence, there are those who are born with independence but false love shoves them in a box with no holes. Not even to breath so they don’t see. Excuses fall into the line of truth. Once the bough breaks and the baby falls, I will be there to catch them when they fall…And to render the threat obsolete. I will stand by and watch until I won’t.

It is in my nature to protect. I did it wrong for so long, but now I, mostly, have it right. I won’t help those who lived through pain and decisions unless asked. Those who are just beginning…to know agony… to struggle with choices…I will be the better me.