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I Will Vote Against

Posted: June 18, 2018 in Uncategorized
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Okay. I tried to do the unemotional adult thing by ignoring the news. Why? Because what started as a declaration to “Make us great again” has become blatantly obvious that it was code for…Make Trump great again. Those two statements make my head hurt. America is a good place to live comparative to other good places. Unfortunately, since Trump was put into office, that is no longer true. The reason the second statement bothers me is… Trump was never great. A silver spoon born, narcissist, with a dictator fantasy. A big mouthed, pervert who doesn’t know what a real day’s work entails but somehow is speaking the language of those poor desperate citizens who are clueless about his true intentions. A trump supporter, when asked about how he made Christmas great again, couldn’t come up with a single way he did so. They said Merry Christmas, enjoyed the holiday the same as before he was elected. It’s easy to understand how they miss all the horrible facts about their leader, when the organization he’s pretending to head… writes lies so well. People are scared. Those without jobs, healthcare, homes, food etc. were and some still are, blinded by their suffering. They are angry. Trump is nothing on his own. His father gave him millions. And yet he chose to screw hard workers and take advantage of the scared to build substandard buildings. He disrespects any woman who he feels inconsequential to. He acts tough to hide the coward inside. He’s a pretender. On Twitter he wrote how horrible it is to take children away from their parents and that’s happening as I write this. Our allies are becoming our enemies and our enemies are becoming our allies. Leaders who starve, kill and con their people into submission. This is who he looks up to. That is scary as hell. And his Lie about Christmas is stuck in his supporters minds, among all the other lies he tells. Most of us help each other. We give what we have to make someone less fortunate smile. Charity. Feeding the homeless. Taking care of out veterans. Our government is not doing that. We are. Complaining about a ACA is a way to call on our leaders to make it better. Put their hearts into it and stop the suffering. Nothing ever happens over night. A lot of care and thought has to go into problem solving. This administration, the “Let’s make America Great again” solution is to scrap it all and make the insurance companies milk and deny us before we die. I feel for that poor child who is born with a disfigurement or worse a life threatening condition. Well, since the baby got to be born, that is where this administrations help, ends. It is their way, after all. Pretty much what it comes down to. Guns and birth are the only rights we have at the moment. And that is terrifying. Peace out. Going back to my regular day of writing about romantic, gooey, warm and fuzzy relationships.

“I am your father.” His body language turned sinister as he stepped forward, gripping the back of an old wooden chair. “You’re in my house,” he said through clenched teeth. “You will respect me.”

She stepped back off the step and engaged him with a hostile sneer. “You have no idea what that word means,” she said. “Come down here,” she shouted up the stairwell to the child that hid. “I’ll help get you out.”

“Get out of my house … now.” His saw-like voice ripped through the small space of the living-room, shaking the frightened child inside her.

She swallowed. “I’m not leaving without her.”

“Oh. You’re leaving alright, if I hafta throw your crazy ass out a window.” He lurched forward, taking off after her.

Lu bounded up the steps, taking three at a time, and then turned right, skidding to a halt in a large room with yellow paneling, rust-red carpeting, and two canopy beds. She turned as her father ran for the door. She shut it within an inch of his face. The wood trembled and cracked as he attacked the door. She jerked backward. Terror struck and she dropped down, scrambling backward to hide under the bed.

“You think he’ll get in?” asked a little boy lying by her side.

Lu blinked again and again, her mind trying to figure out where he’d come from.

“Who are you?” she asked. “Is there anyone else here?”

“No. Just me. It’s always just me. My name’s Johnny,” he whispered his eyes fixated on the bedroom door.

Lu swallowed the lump in her throat. “What are you doing here, Johnny?”

He turned his head to look at her, his eyes punching confusion deep into her chest. “Same thing you’re doing.” He looked at her more closely. “You’re an adult,” he said making it a statement. “Adults don’t get scared. Adults don’t hide under beds.”

“No. Not under beds,” she said her voice trailing off. “But don’t worry. I’ll get you out of here.”

“You can’t,” Johnny broke down, his chest heaving with despair. “Only he can, but he’s forgotten why he chose this path.”

Lu, stunned by the sudden maturity strengthening his tone, waited until she realized he’d finished talking. Everyone had lectured her about her choices and about the paths she chose. Another coincidence. No. Coincidences didn’t exist. Mia had said so and she believed her. What did this mean? Who was this child? Possibly a psychotic break within a nervous breakdown? And then she noticed the thickness of his lips and two large front teeth, and a sickening heat clutched her stomach.

“I’m stuck here,” he said, sounding defeated.

“You can’t give up,” she mumbled toying with the notion that this was her father at a younger age. Tears pooled in the little boy’s eyes, releasing a new flood of guilt in Lu that washed away years of old anger, leaving her drained. It couldn’t be him. It just couldn’t. What did it mean if it was? Lu searched the little boy’s face, her examination spotting a mostly healed inch-long, red cut on his forehead. It was in the same place and the same size as the one on her father’s forehead.

“Did you answer the phone when I called before?” She didn’t want him to say yes. Saying yes would mean too much. Hearing yes would knock her off the high horse she’d proudly ridden hard for most of her life.

He nodded and poof, the last leg of her belief crumpled.

“I’ve got to get out of here.” She made it halfway out from under the bed when little boy-sized sneakers stopped her.

“You’re going to leave too?” he asked, bending down to look at her face. “What is wrong with me?” He sniffled, wiping his nose on the back of a hand.

“Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you.” And she meant it. At one point in her father’s life, he had been innocent—blissfully unaware of the cruelty that lurked beyond his awareness. Innocent like she’d once been. She scrambled the rest of the way out from under the bed and took his small hand.

She started when he jerked away from her. “Yes, there is!” he yelled, and then stamped to the door. “My mother hated me, my father couldn’t have cared less, and my brothers could do no wrong.”

“No————” Lu began, but the air thickened, choking the rest of what she wanted to say.

“Yes!” He screamed. “She let them hit me. Told them to.” He coughed. “Even after I was a man, my mother sent them to beat the crap out of me when she found out I visited an aunt she held a grudge against.”

“Wait … what?” Her thoughts warped and spun, spiraling down. “Who would do that?”

“You know who I am.” His voice deepened, smoothing out and becoming the voice she grew up hearing. “Don’t people react the same way to you when you tell our story? Your mother showed you love, gave you enough confidence to be independent, and that was not enough for you. Instead you followed in my footsteps.”

“Why do you hate me? Why did you cheat? What made you so angry all the time?” Her voice dipped and shrunk, no longer sounding like the strong woman she’d been just a few hours ago.

“You always asked me questions I didn’t want to answer. Or couldn’t.” He turned away, digging his tiny chin into his small chest. “A small portion of the truth would have made you hate me more. So, I lied. I couldn’t stop. What was the point of admitting I was too weak and damaged to change? Eventually, I believed the lies myself.”

No longer seeing the whimpering little boy, Lu forced the words building at the back of her throat though her lips. “You lied to keep doing it. You protected yourself. You blamed mom. You blamed me.”

“Lies veil the truths we strive to keep hidden,” he said. “Everyone protects the child that lives inside each of us. Some use violence to build walls, others logic, and so on and so on.” He paused, glaring at her. “I know you understand.” Hate distorted the boy’s innocent face.

Her nails pierced the flesh of her palms. “I don’t. I never lied to anyone.”

As he turned to face her, his limbs extended, his body thickened, his lush curly hair, thinned and whitened. His cheeks drooped and skin wrinkled. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her close. “See. You’re good at it. Helps get you through the day. Right?”

Lu struggled to get away. Away from the smell of oil and metal she’d always associated with him. Away from the tone that stripped her of maturity and strength. She shut her eyes tight. “Don’t touch me!” she yelled. “Never touch me.”

The fingers around her wrist shrank and weakened allowing her to pull away.

“Why does everyone hate me?” The little boy moaned in anguish.

“Because you make them,” she yelled, stamping around the room looking everywhere but at the whimpering boy.

“I can’t let people close. You understand?” He forced her to meet his soulful eyes. “You try to be good. Normal. Like everyone else, but you get beaten for it. Told you’re worthless until you hear it echoed every day in your head. You try harder to be good, but the abuse only gets worse.” He sat down and crisscrossed his legs. “You know what got my mother’s attention?”

Lu calmed as his agitation grew, circling him once before sitting down, crisscrossed, facing him. “Tell me.” She’d never wondered what made her father, what she considered cold and evil. She’d never cared. Until now. Maybe her life would make more sense if she knew his story.

“Hating people,” he continued. “Being better than our neighbors. If you didn’t agree, you were out. Blood didn’t matter. No one spoke against her. If you did, you became nothing. I fought for her attention for so long I became nothing before she made me nothing.”

I loved you,” Lu pleaded. She paused and said, “I love you.”

“No. You wanted things from me I couldn’t give you. Still can’t.”

She raked claws through the carpet. “I want you to love me. To accept who I am, despite what you don’t understand, love me anyway.”

He cocked his head, “I can’t give you what I don’t know.”

She jumped up to her feet. “You make me feel worthless. You blame me for your miserable life.” Her fist hit the center of the door, shattering the wood like tempered glass. The walls fell next and then the floor. Finally, the ceiling rained down on her, the small dull shards of glass turning into water that trailed down her cheeks. “What’s happening?”

Her father stood up as the man she knew him to be. “That is what love is to me,” he said, placing a large hand on her shoulder.

“But you’re normal now,” Lu’s voice squeaked as her body returned to the age of thirteen, the year she found out how cruel her world was. “We can be a family.”

“No. I’m still lost, and you will know that once you’re free from this dream.”

The rain stopped falling and Lu looked up to see her father’s face. It hadn’t softened; his unkind eyes looked down at her the same way as they had the day he’d told Lu he had chosen his disgusting mistress over them. And it all had gone to hell from there.

“If my own father can’t love me,” she sniffled, “how can anyone else?”

“Your mother loved you. Your sister loved you. Just because they’ve passed on doesn’t mean they stopped,” he said, taking a step backward. “I’m just one fucked up person who made one bad choice after another.” He took another step away. “One day I’m going to want what I could never allow myself to have … and worse still, I will die knowing you will never forgive me.” His image shimmered and began to fade against a wall of darkness. “No one will come to my wake. And I deserve that.”

“Don’t go, Daddy!” Seven-year-old Lu screamed and ran forward. “I forgive you.” She wrapped her arms around his waist, and as they passed through, she yelled, “I do!” And then she fell forward into nothing and became nothing.

Sleep…

Posted: March 10, 2018 in Uncategorized

Exception

Chasing Light

He took me to the water where he slowly let me drown …

You wake up one day and more than anything you know that you are infinity and most unequivocally not the same person you were the day before.

I think as a woman we have to go through some spiritual metamorphasis to shed off what was once holding us back. Not in the sence that I am free now to go out and become a rocket scientist… I am still me. I’m just a better version of the me I was yesterday, purely because I no longer need your acceptance to make me feel like I am important enough to exist on the same planet as every other human inhabbiting this round ball we call earth.

I used to dislike sleeping … always felt like I’d miss out on the day, i never understood why people would sleep…

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Yesterday I had an… I’ll call it an epiphany. Although it was slowly rolling closer like a cresting wave flowing through the ocean that suddenly turned into a tsunami. And yes, it dragged me under, threw me about and deprived me of air. Worse yet, my heart suffocated to the point of death and the only way to survive was to fight my perceptions of “what is” to see the truth. The truth is always so much more painful. It is my burden alone to recognize the world around me. To take cues from words and make assumptions that make us feel better about ourselves. I missed the actions stating the blaring obvious that I was wrong, because being wrong would hurt. I hurt. It’s my fault that I hurt. I’m usually guarded. Observant. Skeptical of the world. Sometimes I forget that people are human. I’ve put some on pedestals in the past which turned out to be catastrophic. Pain teaches you, until the pain subsides and you think you’ve learned. And I did. But it takes more than one slap in the face to teach you not to offer your cheek to everyone. It’s sad but true. Everyone you let in, you give the power to hurt you. Risk is part of life. Without taking risks, there is no life. But I digress.

There have been a few times in my life when I came crawling back to my husband and children, licking my wounds. Their love is true and unconditional. Our relationships respectful because of the full understanding of boundaries. Boundaries that were precisely erected over time using arguments, love and respect as binding agents.

This time, I licked my wounds in silence, using Reiki healing techniques my sister taught me. I engaged my higher self and rooted my being to earth. Once my heart’s ache subsided to the point where giving in to the pain was no longer an option, I knew what I had to do. My decision will go against my nature, but sometimes that’s a must. I don’t expect others to make and effort understand me. Nor do I want them to. The difference will be subtle to the world, but rendering to my instincts. It will take a while, but eventually standing behind this necessary deep line will become part of my balance and will keep me on a new, albeit, positive path.

I learned a long time ago that I am responsible for anything that happens in my life. Blaming others for not being who I wanted them to be created an issue where I felt exonerated in the emotional fall out. I don’t believe in the bigger person concept. That just makes me a false martyr. A very sad, angry and delusional “Bigger Person”. A bigger pain in the ass to everyone.

So, when an emotional tsunami hits, I let it pull me under, smash me against anger and hurt until I break its hold and I’m dumped onto the hot sand on my back, arms splayed looking at the storm rolling above. I understand I’m there because I swam to far, passed where I should have been, and entered the deep waters where I could no longer escape  the cataclysmic wave. I’m sorry for stepping over the line. I’m sorry for being oblivious of the boundaries. Complete peace won’t return any time soon, which will make it easier for me to see the line.

 

Susanna Madora Salter

Susanna Madora SalterFirst woman mayor in the U.S. 1860-1961

Soon after Kansas women gained the right to vote in municipal elections, voters elected a woman as mayor of Argonia. Susanna Madora Salter was elected the first woman mayor in the United States.

Born March 2, 1860, in Belmont County, Ohio, Susanna Madora Kinsey moved to a Kansas farm with her parents in 1872. Eight years later, while attending the Kansas State Agricultural College, she met and married Lewis Salter. The couple soon moved to Argonia where she cared for their young children and became an officer in the local Woman’s Christian Temperance Union.

Nominated on the Prohibition Party ticket by several Argonia men as a joke, Salter surprised the group and received two-thirds of the votes. She was elected in April 4, 1887, just weeks after Kansas women had gained the right to vote in city elections. The 27-year-old woman knew more about politics than her detractors realized. She was the daughter of the town’s first mayor. Her father-in-law, Melville J. Salter, was a former Kansas lieutenant governor.

Bote written by the mayor of Argonia to Susanna (Dora) Salter informing her that she had been elected mayor. CLICK TO ENLARGEAlthough she apparently performed her job well, Salter never sought another elected office. Within a few years, the Salters moved to Oklahoma where the nation’s first woman mayor died in 1961 at the age of 101.

Welcome to the Fantasy of Arms. Guns do not provide protection in reality. It’s all fantasy. Show me one person who actually succeeded in protecting themselves or someone else and Ill show you thousands who have died from gun violence and friendly fire. This notion that we have a right to protect ourselves with a gun is inspired by those who haven’t the faintest idea of what it’s like to shoot a gun whether under stress, with chaos ensuing and is ignorant about what really happens when you point one. The police carry guns. They are confronted with bad guys with guns all the time. They are well trained in tactical warfare. They are trained to stand in the line of fire and to talk down a nut with a gun. You really think the average person will succeed against someone who will kill you? The responsible people, who know the power and repercussions of pulling a gun on another person, want stricter laws. They are aren’t bitching and complaining about their rights, which are intact, they are doing their best to keep the rest of our rights intact. Like the freedom to go to a concert without becoming a carnival target. There has to be a beginning to end 8000+ gun related homicides and the thousands more that are friendly fire including children killing themselves. If you entertain the idea that the government will take away gun rights… that’s another fantasy the NRA and gun lobbyists want you to believe this so you yell about your rights. I, my children, my friends, my family should have the right to go out to parties, concerts, school, walk down the street without some gun toting malevolent insane gun activist shooting his glory into the crowd. When our founding fathers created this law… the guns they spoke about, took 30 seconds to load and then fire. I wonder how many people would be alive from all mass shootings if the law kept to that type of gun? Cause let me tell you. If you are defending yourself, and you miss on the first shot with any gun… you are DEAD. b9efe37bca9161aede1d46ba735c4687

  1. Their response wasn’t a miracle you ass! These people are heroes despite their job to help. Nameless others jumped into save complete strangers. Do you remember 9/11? People saving people. I know you haven’t a clue what selflessness means or the definition of Miracle or what it would take to create a miracle. It would be a Miracle if you put your selfish ideals aside and really focused your attention on the residents of the USA. instead you put a Nuclear target on our back and divided us by race, orientation and religion. And you idealize a Russian mobster. Your a wanna-be-Putin. What people fail to realize is you don’t care. Your lack of knowledge in history and law and compassion show every time you open your mouth. You signed a bill to give gun rights to the mentally ill. Ryan is backing a bill to allow people to legally obtain silencers. All this effort in death. What about working on our lives. You said everyone will be so rich they won’t be able to stand it. I knew you meant your billionaire friends, but you got elected on lies and hate. A true Miracle would be if you admitted it. You know how many deaths that would prevent? A miracle would be you growing a brain. A Real miracle would be stepping out of this “I care about everyone” and announce the truth. You were raised to care only about yourself. You were right about one thing when you ran for office. There was something wrong with the government. You getting elected proved JUST how corrupt it is. People lost their mothers, sons, daughter, fathers, aunts uncles etc. Young to old to gun violence and you barely bat an eye. Thousands of people are murdered a year by firearms. More by accidental shootings. Those facts have been ignored by other presidents who’ve fought selfishly for gun rights. So you’re not alone in your Someone disrespects a flag, and you go all ape shit. A flag is not more important than the people it represents. If we are treated like casualties of your insane sense of right, that flag no longer represents us. Just YOU! You spend all of your time golfing, watching Fox news and opinionated deviants such as Brietbart and Alex jones, proving just how out of touch with reality you really are. I refused to hate you…That would require emotion. I do feel bad for those you’ve tricked and continue to fool. I have no idea what they see in you. But I see you. And I hope that, as a people we will deny you the death toll you’re working towards by the end of your reign of death and hate.