Mel Evers wonders about it all

I can’t say this enough, choices matter. Past actions matter, especially the misinformed, they are repeated. It all comes down to consequence. For example, a man abandons his child. His excuses, “The mother’s a bitch.” “The mother wants too much money.” “She’s crazy and her family’s crazy.” “The mother uses child visitation to extort money.” And in the end, the entirety of his family abandons their niece/nephew/grandchild at the word of the father. BUT it’s a good sob story to draw the next woman into his toxic drama. How do I come to this conclusion? After all the excuses are made, complaints are reported, and crocodile tears from the “loss” of this child, does he send money to help their child? Gifts to show he cares. It’s simple logic. And yes, this is one of my greatest pet peeves!! And I believe has the great ability to destroy a child’s mental health. Eventually these children grow up, mature, and learn the truth. Their choices from then on are more than likely to be based on abandonment.

So…

We are shackled to consequences despite the violent tantrums we throw to unhitch them. Defending is enabling. No matter who you are, you’re responsible for the decisions that cause harm to others and yourself. Blaming others gives these people a free pass to do it again.

Harm through intention is deliberate if help is not sought out. I was raised by a parent who hurt rather than healed. His self-destructive actions screamed for help. I heard his screams at a young age. Rather than help, he sought more pain and therefore became a skilled liar and gambler of excuses. Through my fifty-plus years—and though I haven’t heard them all—I can usually sense a fabricated excuse within a single rationalization. In other words, I can tell when someone is defending the indefensible. You can sense a lie, too. If the excuses exceed one…he truth is not one of them.

I’ve learned to listen. My father trained my mind to notice red flag statements said off the cuff. Some comments strike my heart because they come from people I love. Those stuck.

Lies and misinformation are everywhere these days. People want to be more critical than professional. They speak the truth here and there, but ultimately what they tell you is what they believe, even going so far as to fabricate pictures, reports, and/or government files to convince you. And those who have come to respect these storytellers, no longer check the facts.

I come back to excuses now because that’s what you will hear amongst the preaching, the lies, and the emotional plea for understanding pain. I understand pain. I also know it’s not right to add your pain to others. Or to qualify your beliefs with people who claim to be experts without the required education and experience, or claim to have excuses as to why this or that horrible thing happened. I’m not interested in those who pretend to know secrets, deep-state bullshit, or information that came from a Wanna-Be-filmmaker or author or someone who has nothing better to do or wants to make money by drawing in subscribers.