Posts Tagged ‘learning’

Sometimes I turn to pain for comfort, darkness to cleanse and numbness to escape it all. And then I fall.      Panic sets in.        I reach for the closest heart and fall faster.    There’s no room for laughter when tears fall and the life lived fades into the past. Looking forward through a pane of foggy glass.   I capturing glimpses of what could be, at the moment, because a breath changes everything.    His hand. Her shoulder. The innocence of a child. Fury and blood. What does it all mean? He kills. She kills. One a hero. The other a villain. Which is which? Do we know the difference anymore? My life is my reach, my sight, what I hear, who I touch. Not always good. Not perfect. My goal is simple. To make progress.

Born with flesh of hardened steel and a sharp tongue

I told the imposter to leave

He was blood, but it poured over us instead of through us

A poison generations long

killed who he should have been

Hate possessed my father, and put demon in his place

I stood before him, he who wanted respect without earning it

he who hated us, blamed our mom, the breath of life for his miserable existence

and spent every waking moment sharing the misery

Mom is gone; deceased

Father alive: estranged

I have a family

I am happy

I am still shield and sword

I still protect my family

 

 

 

 

 

 

Revelation

Posted: June 4, 2017 in life lessons
Tags: , , , ,

When the good hate, evil is at the controllers.

I think of you… sometimes when I’m lost

Wandering in the haze you created for me so long ago

We’re in the same room, but hearts apart

I believed you… in you

Until you proved me wrong.

Showed me your blood wasn’t strong

I asked you

Eye to eye who are you?

You lied.

I knew that was your reality

But I believed you…in you

Why not?

You said the words I wanted to be true

I thought of you the other day

Feeling sad

Surrounded by love

Two roles not filled

One by choice

The other…

I think of you…sometimes when I’m wandering

In the same room where your heart beats silent

Hoping one day you prove me right

To believe in yourself

Make that your reality

Why not?

It’s better to be surrounded by love

I’m not wrong

Though I try with every hesitant breath to be myself, there are times I do escape behind a mask. Sometimes I do not want to be seen, heard or engaged. Observing the world around me offers unfiltered insight and raw emotions. You can see much behind a mask, when they don’t see you peering out of its eyes….mouth. Doesn’t matter. Transformation happens within the span of a heart beat. If you blink you may miss the shine of a friend’s eye or the frown distorting your brothers face, in that moment when they think no one is paying attention.
When its time to lose the mask, I am seen and heard and engage with heart, sensitivity and genuine understanding. When we stand in the crowd as ourselves we don’t seem the same, but when we adorn our mask and watch, connections are obvious.

Silver Series Book 1

Posted: March 25, 2017 in life lessons, Novels
Tags: , ,

Unlike most stories you read in novels, living is raw, messy and unpredictable. A lot of people read to escape the chaos, make up for the lack of romance, imagine the fantasy of being a superhero or just to laugh, because it’s the only time they do. Waking Up Vampire, is not like that. It’s sweaty and disappointing at times.. It depicts the life of a woman confused about love and trust. It reveals the blinders of hate and the possibilities that lie beyond. Since the heroine is confused… I write confusion. She is stubborn and angry, so I write her stubborn and angry. Insight is sporadic because she draws it from a fractured past where a lot is given was then taken away. The ideals, we take for granted, like the love of a parent are not clear to her. Her grasp on expected concepts stay in constant emotion like a yo-yo, because of the atmosphere she grew up in. Love, Hate, indifference. Fighting. Never good enough. Black sheep. I write her that way. I want my wonderful readers to feel as well as understand the confusion and internal struggle she deals with every second of her life.
And when I add unconditional love… The vulnerable. The pain. The giving. I want readers to feel her grow. Feel her pain. Feel her need. Because escaping and healing a brutal past is something most of us go through.aunt-melindas-book-final-with-text-10-14-16

I love my life. My mind is full. My moods swing up and down, feeling the thrill and fear, but will never stop the motion. I read hate and cry. I read lies and shout in frustration. To free your mind is to free-fall into everything. Anything is possible. I fuel love and starve negative seeds. It is my way. I will die high before lowered into the ground. Life is everything death is a transition we all forget.