Posts Tagged ‘learning’

Okay. I’m back on track. As of late, I’ve repeated the Mantra… Everything Happens for a Reason. It helps. Took a while for the sentiment to arm wrestle logic not to into submission, but a standoff of beliefs rather than personal affronts. So. That done. I worked on writing. First rule in self preservation: Never let anything overshadow your dreams. All my shouting and complaining about politics got way out of hand. My writing suffered. My happiness tanked (Despite living my dream), my health sunk into bouts of stomach ailments. And the anger I’d battled for so long until it no longer controlled me, returned. I yelled, Stop! Took a step back to reassess my path. I had definitely fallen off the bridge onto my head. My splattered ego exposed my ruined self. Who am I to change what people think? I can only hope that my personal happiness ripples into the people surrounding me. Curiously, it was easier to shift back to who I am from what I’d become. Yay me.

Now… I’ve completed Twisted Fate. It is DONE!!!! Professionally edited and beautifully polished… if I say so myself.¬† Next step is to republish and call Amazon and have them set it up for an update so people who bought it already, get the new version free. And then Promote the hell out of it. It is good. Erotic and Sweet. Messy and Perfect. Just like me ūüôā¬† I am Thrilled with the finished story. I will Let everyone know when I’ve set everything up to buy or update the new version. From now on… Ill stick to who I am. Love you all.

Mel ‚̧

Is the collusion of snowflakes a blanket of ignorance that makes everything the same? Suffocate differences. The absence of color. Numbing pain. A blanket of cold appearing as warmth in desperate hands. Blood and bone beneath sheets of foggy ice. Freezing thoughts of comfort. A slow death. Sleeping betrayal. Yes. But. The sun comes out. Heat melts the eyes awakens the mind and stimulates the heart. Not all but some. Enough. To burn the blanket. Dissolving the carefully woven crystals arresting thoughts. Salvation. Self-preservation. In that light, that encouraging inferno, we cling to each other. We are one, the decrepit, the strong, the despairing, the hearty. There are no them‚ÄĒwe‚ÄĒus. Just me. ¬†

Words from a dream skitter across wakeful thoughts

A heart beat before I’m dead

Every bad and all the good—relived

Pain and joy close, never touching

Moments in between to decide

And then it begins

Peace and lavender haze surrounds my floating soul

visons beyond feeling dance in the shadows

Living between breaths takes courage

I succeeded and failed well

Now what?

What makes a person follow an entity who leads them onto the path of misery? Why do mothers and fathers choose to worship a god that puts¬†its¬†values before the love of family? Sounds more human than divine. Nature vs nurture. Experience vs command. Is there a line you won’t cross or will you die alone because that’s what’s been written. Religions have many personalities. I say personality because there are as many religious beliefs as there are humans. And those who don’t believe are included in the protein rich, spice riddled salad.

But let’s cut to the foundation of religious beliefs. You will only believe what you already accept as true. If you were abused and debased as a kid–authority is your enemy. If ten¬†apologies¬†after ten beatings¬†keeps you in love and in place, bullies need to be understood. If¬†you have been taught that¬†wealth and entitlement makes you smarter and everyone else stupid, you will run a country as if the rest of us should be grateful for presence despite your lack of empathy and compassion or knowing what it’s like to struggle.¬†It’s easier for some to discard their own ideas than to make a case¬†for their own identity. It’s too much work. And it’s not like they’re alone in their beliefs. There’ll always be someone who validates them. Same mentality. Thinking–not worth the effort. The mob mentality.

People kill for their religions. People kill at the instruction of the voices in their heads. People kill¬†because some¬†ignorant human thinks the best way to run a country is to¬†create a symbolic enemy.¬†All religions have blood soaked into the pages¬†of their books of scripture. Blood. Money. Power. Maybe at one time, there was a religion¬†that¬†took¬†our need to dance naked in the rain¬†as an expression of peace, or encouraged loved between adults, who promoted the health and happiness of children. I–for one–would love to read that book.

You can lay bigotry, hatred, racism, open condemnation at your god’s feet, blame it¬†on your disgust of the world around you. But guess what? The rest of us see through the divine veil¬†you place over your heads. We know you are hate. And in the end Love will defeat you. And We won’t have to lift a finger to win.

Sometimes I turn to pain for comfort, darkness to cleanse and numbness to escape it all. And then I fall.¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† Panic sets in.¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†I reach for the closest heart and fall faster.¬†¬†¬† There’s no room for laughter when tears fall and the life lived fades into the past. Looking forward through a pane of foggy glass.¬†¬† I capturing glimpses of what could be, at the moment, because a breath changes everything.¬†¬†¬† His hand. Her shoulder. The innocence of a child. Fury and blood. What does it all mean? He kills. She kills. One a hero. The other a villain. Which is which?¬†Do we know the difference anymore? My life is my reach, my sight, what I hear, who I touch. Not always good. Not perfect. My goal is simple. To make progress.

Born with flesh of hardened steel and a sharp tongue

I told the imposter to leave

He was blood, but it poured over us instead of through us

A poison generations long

killed who he should have been

Hate possessed my father, and put demon in his place

I stood before him, he who wanted respect without earning it

he who hated us, blamed our mom, the breath of life for his miserable existence

and spent every waking moment sharing the misery

Mom is gone; deceased

Father alive: estranged

I have a family

I am happy

I am still shield and sword

I still protect my family

 

 

 

 

 

 

Revelation

Posted: June 4, 2017 in life lessons
Tags: , , , ,

When the good hate, evil is at the controllers.