Posts Tagged ‘memory’

I think of you… sometimes when I’m lost

Wandering in the haze you created for me so long ago

We’re in the same room, but hearts apart

I believed you… in you

Until you proved me wrong.

Showed me your blood wasn’t strong

I asked you

Eye to eye who are you?

You lied.

I knew that was your reality

But I believed you…in you

Why not?

You said the words I wanted to be true

I thought of you the other day

Feeling sad

Surrounded by love

Two roles not filled

One by choice

The other…

I think of you…sometimes when I’m wandering

In the same room where your heart beats silent

Hoping one day you prove me right

To believe in yourself

Make that your reality

Why not?

It’s better to be surrounded by love

I’m not wrong

Silver Series Book 1

Posted: March 25, 2017 in life lessons, Novels
Tags: , ,

Unlike most stories you read in novels, living is raw, messy and unpredictable. A lot of people read to escape the chaos, make up for the lack of romance, imagine the fantasy of being a superhero or just to laugh, because it’s the only time they do. Waking Up Vampire, is not like that. It’s sweaty and disappointing at times.. It depicts the life of a woman confused about love and trust. It reveals the blinders of hate and the possibilities that lie beyond. Since the heroine is confused… I write confusion. She is stubborn and angry, so I write her stubborn and angry. Insight is sporadic because she draws it from a fractured past where a lot is given was then taken away. The ideals, we take for granted, like the love of a parent are not clear to her. Her grasp on expected concepts stay in constant emotion like a yo-yo, because of the atmosphere she grew up in. Love, Hate, indifference. Fighting. Never good enough. Black sheep. I write her that way. I want my wonderful readers to feel as well as understand the confusion and internal struggle she deals with every second of her life.
And when I add unconditional love… The vulnerable. The pain. The giving. I want readers to feel her grow. Feel her pain. Feel her need. Because escaping and healing a brutal past is something most of us go through.aunt-melindas-book-final-with-text-10-14-16

Ever get stuck in a cognitive holding pattern? You don’t want to think, you just want to do? I have. Many times in the last forty-five years, I’ve taken a step sideways from the present and put my movements and responses on autopilot. Usually before or after a possible life changing event I would just stop. Stop thinking linearly, stop communicating with others and get frustrated when people try to converse with me.  I’ll go about my day running on muscle memory.  I know what have to do, what needs to be done and I do it automatically all the while pondering how to control the new path my life will take. Sometimes it feels like I’ve locked myself in a glass suit. The outside world becomes a gigantic fun house where everywhere you look, you’re faced with that life changing event and there’s no escape until the event is actually upon you.

Solution: I have no idea. The progress I’ve made has to do with timing. I used to start this process many weeks prior to an event. Now I’m down to a day or two. Maybe because I’ve relinquished control over things I can’t change or perhaps I’ve been subdued, forced to face my own humanity and its limits.

I’d love to know your thoughts.