Posts Tagged ‘learning’

Is about a woman, subconsciously, fighting for the love of the father who abandoned her.

Luigina Silver’s parents’ twisted and volatile relationship skewed her sense of love and hate, and as she grew older, turned the empathetic, passionate woman, cruel and unforgiving. After her sister is murdered by a vampire, Lu is recruited by an agency that handles all things vampire. Lu’s dark heart leads her into the delusion that she is human kind’s only hope and becomes reckless and a danger to herself in her pursuit to eradicate all vampires. Lu hopes, ultimately to avenge her sister’s death and prove to her father that she is not worthless.

And then Luigina becomes one of the vile creatures she hates to her core.

Michelle, another agent in love with the hot-headed vampire killer, holds the key to Lu’s salvation and a secret that will most likely destroy them both; Michelle’s heart and her betrayal in the name of love. Accepting Michelle’s confession is only part one of Lu’s journey.

Love may conquer all in most cases, but Luigina must face a far more difficult challenge if she is to pass the test all vampires face in order to avoid execution.

Only, she isn’t slated for execution. If she fails, Luigina will be entombed, never to be reborn.

Luigina must face and forgive the man that blames her for her sister’s death.

Second book in the series coming soon!

To know me is to know I don’t take people’s word as truth, I don’t trust easily, I look deep inside to find the sense. If you show me who you really are, I will accept you even though I may not agree, because you trusted me with who you are. I believe a person can be changed with an experience, a quote an act of kindness or hatred. I take into consideration where you came from, how you grew up. I know there is more to what’s being said and have the ability, over time, to put the puzzle pieces in their correct spaces. I know some pieces are hard to face while others become the center of our lives. When people hurt, no matter relation, I hurt. I do my best to follow peace, but get tripped up every so often. I’m not above knee jerk reactions and punish myself far worse than anyone else could. Know one knows my weaknesses better than I do and I use them to inflict the most pain on my conscience. What gets me angry are people lumping me with a group of others based on who I voted for (just an example)without really knowing why. I dislike when people make assumptions based on my ability to love. Helping is a part of who I am …not an ingrained obligation . Through experience, I’ve tempered my eagerness to belong, into a healthy I’m-okay-by-myself, but enjoy the company of others. I love my family. Forgiveness is an ability I exercise often. My friends are a chosen few who get me, my idiosyncrasies and my shortcomings. My children and hubby are my world. And most important…I know that when I forget to take my Lexapro…I become a deranged amazon carrying around a soapbox, screaming at anyone who will listen. LMAO.

I vow to be me and continue being grumpy, but only until that first sip of coffee. To be annoyed by slow drivers. To fidget nervously in crowds. To appreciate the unique dynamic of my family. To watch and learn about people so I can be more understanding. Walk in other people’s shoes to gain new perspectives. To only allow me to edit my life. To live like I am the star of my award winning movie. Make decisions by what I know plus what I feel. To promote positive energy my way and not the way others want me to. I vow to continue being happy and confident just by being me. Thank you.

We have a personal moral code no matter race, culture or religion. Killers kill. Lovers love. Fighters fight. What we do is who we are. Words are significant when followed by action. Actions followed by words are deceptive. The absence of self preservation is an extreme mental disorder. Hate and passion are dangerous when dictated by a source outside your heart/mind. Be aware. Don’t be part of a mindless mob that follows someone else’s beliefs. You’re important. Your heart and soul are real. For us to unite as a nation of peace and prosperity, be the individual you are. The universe made you who you are for a reason. To follow another is to turn your back on self awareness. Parents, clergy, police anyone and everyone in authority are human. Don’t discount what you think because others have different opinions. Refuse the waves of hate, bigotry, racism etc. I am a woman. I am a mother. I am a wife. I am an author. I’m a warrior. But first and foremost, I am me.

 

What if the only thing between you and happiness, freedom and living is Forgiveness? That “thing” being years and brainwashing thick. Will you attempt to climb over? Or chisel your way through? Most sit, huddled at its base feeling sorry for themselves. Is freedom worth the effort? The acceptance? Understanding? Will acknowledging fault be too much weight to bear? Takes one step–one word–one acknowledgement to begin that journey. What would convince you to start?

It’s early morning and I haven’t slept. I’m pondering the outcome of “our” election. The sun came up as usual and my daughter’s cat is being annoying—as usual, so nothing, at this point has changed. I’ve been reading Facebook posts. The reactions are weighed down on opposite sides of the spectrum.

In my opinion, others have voted in a hypocrite, which is the worst kind of liar, but there is nothing I can do about him.

That being said…

My world is my own. I will remain true to who I am. I will oppose all those who try to take away my rights. I will step up and solidify my community’s security by keeping an eye out for anyone being a bigoted, homophobic, misogynistic, xenophobic, racist bullies and put my life and integrity in the line of fire to keep this “leader’s influence from touching my neighbors, family and friends. I have and will always help a stranger either by donating food and or money. People who suffer and are afraid, have me on their side. People who are targeted because of their religion or skin color are, always in my eyes, my brothers and sisters related by our bond as human beings collectively.

I want to rant and vent. I want to scream and punch my punching bag until it’s nothing but a dangling piece of fabric.

What good would that do?

The sooner I move on spiritually, the better off I will be.

I’ve always believed, that no matter how bad something is, there is an inexplicable reason for it. And, some of the time,  we won’t know why until after we’ve moved on from life on earth to review our challenges and lessons. So, God bless us all. (My God. Not yours.) I really hope people were right about him.  Time will tell.

Trump has brought out the worst in people. It is depressing to find out the depthless hate that encompasses a mind I thought was peaceful and progressive. I don’t wish violence on anyone. This was not always true. After a long grueling journey to self-awareness and acknowledging my responsibility in personal consequences, I am not one to judge. Many experiences mold a person’s perception of the world. I have done a lot to silence the hate from my past so as not to allow it into my future. It’s not easy. What was easy was to make a knee jerk reaction to my demon’s teeth latching onto my emotions to drive me away from my true self; the self that is untouched by other people’s beliefs. I took a step back to see, hear and learn while keeping the distance of peace and love in my heart. I see posts that crush my hopes and dreams. One man’s selfish desires are destroying our great nation. If he were judged as a woman, people would have called him a slut, a whore and a tease. Not rallied behind him to support his demeaning of women, using and then discarding people, taking advantage of our great nation’s loopholes instead of pointing them out, overlooking trials of criminal deception involving and rape and fraud and soon he will be calling for a revolution not caring how many people will be hurt and destroyed while he sits safely on his golden throne smiling about the chaos he created. Supporters have already mentioned a revolution if he doesn’t win. He calls the voting rigged and yet only Trump supports have been caught trying to vote more than once and are being arrested by not following voting laws. These laws have always existed and I know this because I once took a brochure from someone outside of a school where I was going to vote and was immediately told to throw it out when I entered. These are facts. I know this won’t change how people feel. The anger some feel at the system is too great. The hate of people too great. Maybe I should start posting riots and against Gays. Gay bashing etc. The labeling of gay people as pedophiles. Or the great uproar over priests molesting children and instead of being charged, were moved by the Vatican to molest children elsewhere. Do you think that has stopped? Or the KKK riots, Skin head riots, black church shootings. Our history is full of people thinking they’re better than others. White people lynching black people like they were less human than their murderers.

Our nation’s big bang start occurred after the destruction and theft of Indians and their land. And our founding fathers created a list of laws favoring only wealthy men and adding the lie of freedom of religion.

My last point is…I read posts that have been fabricated to stir blind anger. Photoshop pictures with false headlines and stories that people repost. It’s scary what people want to believe. And yet we have someone who wants to lead us down that road already traveled and littered with the remnants of human rights and dignities. I want to continue forward.

When you label something or someone people stop thinking. They assume the contrived label is correct and ignore the small print. When “The Religious” sect labeled people “Bad” they were declaring themselves “Good.” It’s manipulation 101. Religion labeled Gay as bad declaring heterosexuals good. No questions asked. No reasons why. Religion labeled women as second class citizens declaring the opposite gender first class.

The art of mass control by religion has been handed down generation by generation, altering their wording as not to allow their control to slip. Modern times and the addition of half the intellectual and empathetic population (women) make it hard for the religious sect to sink their heels into people’s ignorance.

Think about it.

 

What I want in a leader of our country.

1-To keep religious beliefs out of their policies.

We are a nation of eclectic thoughts and beliefs. When a party chooses their beliefs, they discount everyone else’s. They say our country was born under freedom of religion, but that was not true. Despite what religion you were, you were forced or nagged into going to church because that’s what the leaders dictated. All religions try, whether subtle or demanding to recruit as many people as they can. And isn’t it funny that most religions describe women as second class citizens? If given the status we deserved from the beginning, men wouldn’t use terms such as needing championing to describe who we are as human. We don’t need to be coddled we are pretty damn strong. Religions should focus on bringing people together. Protect the children, the weak, the sick, the poor, not focus on stripping half the population of their rights.

Marriage Rights fall under this as well. Attraction is part of nature. Who we are attracted to falls under the realm of the unknown and uncontrollable. Oh and how some people hate that. We have laws that mostly protect children, (I would love for those polygamists who rape children claiming religion as their guide, to be jailed for the rest of their lives. Funny how those children aren’t protected or even come up on any politician’s radar.)

Pence is a perfect example of power undermining religious beliefs. A religious man (whether I respect their views or not) would not continue to back a serial sexual predator.) I do wonder if they made a deal with him about instantly impeaching Trump so Pence becomes president if votes go Trump’s way.

The only object truly separating us from each other is the concept of organized religion. Rules made a long time ago, written down and labeled divine. I do believe in GOD. I don’t believe separation is divine, it is the concoction of early men’s fears.

Abortion…

It’s a woman’s right to her body. Not the dude who knocked her up accidentally. Not the government. Not God’s. Not those people who stand in front of planned parenthood clinics holding signs and who subsequently vanish when it comes time to answer for the baby’s welfare, potential living conditions or if the child will die from abuse or malnutrition. So Back Off.  

2- Our economy.

The rich should not be getting richer and the poor should not be getting destitute. The trickle down policy, which has been the policy for many presidents, does not work. http://www.faireconomy.org/trickle_down_economics_four_reasons

Maybe at one time it did, but when those who worked hard become successful grew older and eventually handed their empire over to their heirs, the hard work part deflated and the heirs’ head’s inflated. When you don’t know what it’s like to put your blood and sweat into a job, you expect everything to be handed to you. Not everyone is like this, but we are entering an age of the spoiled. They talk about children today being lazy. (Adding my experience to my opinion equals that showing respect, teaching hard work and responsibilities are the parents’ job.)

3- USA defense

Instill policies that bring our nation together. Don’t give the delusional any reason to act out on their abnormal urges. I’m a mother of three, awesome hardworking children. Yes, I get angry when I go into protective mode. Violence shakes my body and plies my imagination with graphic ways to eliminate the threatening problem. But, I don’t act on them or even show aggression. It’s called control. Most of us have it. Those who act on an initial impulse are mentally unstable. We all must take responsibility for our country despite who is running it. We have the power to protect our own. And the cognitive skills to make wise decisions.

Communication is key.

There are more…but at this point you can fill in the blanks.

Anger Kills focus, concentration and character. That’s why we nitpick at our loved ones, nag our partners or internally self-destruct trying to hide from the chaos our emotions have caused in our world.  Want to know a secret? Feeling anger is a choice. Acting on anger is a choice. It’s all about how we perceive ourselves. Think about it. Confident people do not get angry. They can still be wrong, but believing in who they are, what they stand for, and their self-value keeps them from diving into the carnage of self-dissection.  

Most of the time anger comes from within. It is very rarely caused by an outside attack. What hurts the most comes from within.  For instance, if your self-esteem is scraping bottom and you think you’re not smart…a simple comment about a classification of intelligence from an ignorant person can trigger the beat-yourself-up anger. And then what? Who suffers the consequences…besides yourself? The person you love the most. The person you feel most safe with. The one person who knows your true value, ends up defending themselves against someone else’s, dare I say it? Un-called for, spoken without thinking, comment?

I have just begun to master the turbulent emotion we call anger. I started with silencing my bad thoughts, knowing the true answer to my issue had nothing to do with what was said or done, but what “I” took from it. I had to stop my partner from helping me until I had complete control over the heat searing my most inner thoughts. Sometimes it takes days of silence contemplation, but when I am ready and haven’t revealed the source of my pain, I let my partner in to help, because by then, I am fully aware that the answer is inside me. I’m still a work in progress, but I can truly say I am happier every single day that I unfold the secrets hidden inside me. They just make me…me and the more I learn the more peace I feel.