Posts Tagged ‘spirituality’

On this day, I will continue to be who I am, fight for what I believe in, speak my mind, continue to love, pursue peace, protect my family and friends, honor truth and justice, trust and respect only those who have earned it, follow my instincts, have faith in my guides, stand with the weak, oppose bullies, give the warrior inside me free reign, help those in need, denounce all the -isms and religious persecutions, refuse the hate of others, be proud of my diversified community, work hard for all my achievements, follow my dreams, become more spiritually focused, never back down, and stand my ground.
But don’t take my word for it….my actions have always screamed my name.

Is about a woman, subconsciously, fighting for the love of the father who abandoned her.

Luigina Silver’s parents’ twisted and volatile relationship skewed her sense of love and hate, and as she grew older, turned the empathetic, passionate woman, cruel and unforgiving. After her sister is murdered by a vampire, Lu is recruited by an agency that handles all things vampire. Lu’s dark heart leads her into the delusion that she is human kind’s only hope and becomes reckless and a danger to herself in her pursuit to eradicate all vampires. Lu hopes, ultimately to avenge her sister’s death and prove to her father that she is not worthless.

And then Luigina becomes one of the vile creatures she hates to her core.

Michelle, another agent in love with the hot-headed vampire killer, holds the key to Lu’s salvation and a secret that will most likely destroy them both; Michelle’s heart and her betrayal in the name of love. Accepting Michelle’s confession is only part one of Lu’s journey.

Love may conquer all in most cases, but Luigina must face a far more difficult challenge if she is to pass the test all vampires face in order to avoid execution.

Only, she isn’t slated for execution. If she fails, Luigina will be entombed, never to be reborn.

Luigina must face and forgive the man that blames her for her sister’s death.

Second book in the series coming soon!

Less is more

Posted: December 16, 2016 in Uncategorized
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I live in the past, present, and the future. I learn from what has been, bring it into the now and reference it to pave the way ahead. We all have demons to slay. Some are long dead ghosts. Others are flesh and blood reminders of guilt. In pursuit of personal peace, my choice of weapon is words. Anger killed me slowly. Fear kept me hidden. Guilt moved me backwards. Blame shut me down.  What was left, cried.

Cancer spoiled my pity party

Focus fight or die. I’m alive.

When you label something or someone people stop thinking. They assume the contrived label is correct and ignore the small print. When “The Religious” sect labeled people “Bad” they were declaring themselves “Good.” It’s manipulation 101. Religion labeled Gay as bad declaring heterosexuals good. No questions asked. No reasons why. Religion labeled women as second class citizens declaring the opposite gender first class.

The art of mass control by religion has been handed down generation by generation, altering their wording as not to allow their control to slip. Modern times and the addition of half the intellectual and empathetic population (women) make it hard for the religious sect to sink their heels into people’s ignorance.

Think about it.

Luigina Silver’s obsession to eradicate vampires turned her long troubled soul, dark and unforgiving. Michelle, her best friend and lover, knows the good heart beneath the hate and refuses to abandon her the way everyone else Lu ever loved, had.
A simple execution leaves Lu turned into one of the vile creatures she’d been hunting. Unable to come to terms with what she’s become, Lu attempts suicide, only to be stopped by Michelle. To keep Lu in the world of the living, Michelle secretly makes a deal with the agency that employs them both. For Michelle’s plan to succeed, Lu must survive that betrayal, let go of her destructive past and worse, face a reality where vampires are not inherently evil.
As if the odds weren’t already stacked against her, Alexander, a powerful vampire and influential member of the agency, covertly plots Lu’s permanent demise. Will Michelle get the happy ending she’s been fighting for or, in the end will hate defeat Lu, as it has done so many times before?

I have a lot of personal experience dealing with a narcissist, racist, paranoid, money hungry man who objectifies women. He is a great liar. If you were to meet him, you would think me and my siblings were crazy for arguing against him being a good guy. Jokes are a way to be himself without committing to his beliefs.  My mother didn’t leave him even though he made is job infidelity and self-indulgence. Despite his attempts at bringing down our self-esteem and following his circle of hate, we his children, broke free.

Because of what we endured growing up, we see life in a grander spectrum. We know truth and we know lies. They are easy to differentiate. Twenty-five years of being lied too straight in my eyes gives me that skill.

When I watch Trump’s body language and listen to his speeches I see nothing but a bully who has used his name to abuse and take from others all his life. The man is 70 years old. He is the basic dirty old man who refuses to progress into the modern world where women are not objects for men to ogle and use against their will. Of course we had to make a law against it — obviously not everyone got the memo.

I find it hilarious that people believe that he heard something said as truth when in reality he was the one who said it earlier in the day. People are giving the voices in his head credibility and that alone is scary. How does his nonsense get passed people? Why do people let his atrocities slide? I wonder what happened to them to skew their perception of truth. He is the “poster boy for what not to be” and people want him running our country.

It’s really sad that some people will vote for him because he is the republican party leader. And if Charles Manson were to become a republican candidate some people would vote for him too.

Hillary may not be pristine, but she owns a moral compass and will fight for us as a whole and not divide us as a people as Trump has already begun to do. The fact that he says he has more respect for women and to say the things he says about them, the way he treats them, and how he has disrespected his wives, makes me cringe. If his declaration were in anyway true, we as fifty percent of USA population, are fucked.

Wake up!!!! He doesn’t want to make America Great again. He wants to make America his latest conquest and profit off of us. He talks about righting the wrongs of past presidents and yet he wants to go back to policies that had the middle class struggling and the poor destitute.

He talks about giving the wealthy tax breaks so they offer more jobs, trickle down their profits to help the rest of us? The wealthy have so much money they have rooms for their cars, change their toilet bowls as often as they change toilet paper, wipe their asses on gold quilted hankies, have lunch in Paris and Dinner in Italy and yet I have yet to see them make any difference in the rest of the population’s lives. So don’t tell me his policy is to help the rest of us. That’s plain bullshit. (There are a couple of those wealthy people who do share the wealth, but those are the ones who Trump is not talking about. If he did, he’d have to admit shame.)

I can’t really speak about his other policies since he has yet to say what they are. Does he think if he becomes president Isis will turn tail? Hah. They want him to become president. He will be the perfect poster boy for recruitment!

Did you hear what he said about that city in Syria? A question about being a humanitarian? “What do you think is going to happen if Aleppo falls?” she asked.

Trump responded: “I think Aleppo is a disaster, humanitarian-wise. … I think that it, basically, has fallen.”  So basically he said screw them. He doesn’t believe in trying to help all those children being turned into red mist by Russia’s bombing. What a true humanitarian.

All the while trying to divert the question to his own agenda about Clinton as secretary of state making decisions with Obama when she wasn’t even Secretary of state at the time. And people ate up is false diversion geez!

Going to end this for now. Getting a headache just thinking about how easily people are willingly misguided.

Caught Whispers

Posted: September 25, 2016 in Uncategorized
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Muslim’s aren’t the problem. People whose hearts are soiled, minds are corrupt and ideals are non-existent hurt, maim and kill. And they come in all looks, sizes and colors! Priests—under the view of generalization are all pedophiles, subsequently all police are racist killers, and all men are domestic abusers and rapists. Of course not!! Stop the hate. Stop lumping everyone into one pile! There are sick individuals out there. They do not represent the whole. I’m going to keep saying it until people start to see the light. We need to protect each other…all of us. Our neighbors have as much to lose as we do. Together we are strong. Divided we will fall. Peace

I get angry. I lash out. I make it worse. Who benefits? Certainly not my peace of mind. Nor did I make the target of my explosions, day. So why didn’t I just let it go? What is “it”? You ask? Well, that’s good solid question. Too bad I don’t have a resounding reasonable answer. If I knew what “It” was, I would have just sat myself down and intoxicated my mind with soothing and uplifting words. Rarely when I get angry do I know the source of the heat or who lit the fire, although in reality if I’m angry about what someone did, or said, the true source always lies inside me. This makes thrashing the culprit a bit more difficult to find and then deal with. For a long time, taking it out on the closest person to me may have been the wrong decision in the long run, but it was something I was taught to do. And at times when I let “it” go for too long, the explosion was so immense it sucked in those who could only wobble like weebles wondering “What the hell just happened?”.

And then one day I decided that is not how I wanted to live. I didn’t want other people’s beliefs or lives to influence my own behavior, moods and most importantly, happiness. My parents’ marriage was nothing like mine, and yet, I punished my husband for all the wrong doings of my father. I refused to show any weaknesses that I was brainwashed to believe that love caused. Thus, out of a chaotic childhood, my sharp tongue and explosive temper was forged.

It took just one day to decide? You ask. Yes. The day I completely flipped out on my young kids and at ten o’ clock at night, when they were supposed to be calm and going to sleep. I’d always prided myself on protecting my kids from the caustic crazy world and here I was going on about their unkempt room. I brought crazy and caustic into their home; a place they were supposed to feel safe and comfortable.

No other people could have made me take an emotional step back. It was only when I saw my damage reflected back at me on the sweet faces of my babies that I realized I had to fix what was broken inside me. I cried. I asked for forgiveness. They are my saviors.

Again what was “it’? There were too many incidents from my past that I could acknowledge and yet there’d be no illuminating affect. I could talk about every one of my battles and I would be no less the warrior. In fact, bringing those battles into the present irrationally justified my aggressive behavior….

So I took steps to try and let everything go and keep the past firmly behind me where it belonged. Not an easy task. I always heard about this peace you feel when you finally achieve full forward momentum, but never felt it. The best I could do was lock myself away when I felt threatened or vulnerable knowing that a misplaced word or look would set me off.

And then this happened.

One winter afternoon, after a pretty snow storm, while driving my AWD SUV , my car slid like ice on ice. I panicked, but tried gingerly stepping on the break. Nothing. I wiggled the steering wheel. Nothing. I was going to T-bone a parked green, two door sedan and there was nothing I could do. About, five feet from the collision I stopped thinking and a securing calm (a feeling of pure instinct and trust) overcame my senses. I took my hands off the wheel and lay my palms on my lap and at the same time, took my foot away from the pedals and waited.

About a foot away, my car turned at a ninety-degree angle, to the right and just as it cleared the front of the car, made another and sharp turn and hit a wall of packed snow just inches behind the green car’s bumper.

I finally experienced what all those books and spiritual lecturers preached. I simply stopped fighting what I could not change and just let go.

I’m still practicing letting go and though it’s easier when I’m not being challenged, it’s becoming less difficult when I am conflicted. I’ve taken many steps since my first and I know there are many more in my future. I am okay with that. It simply is.

Some times I step away from myself to become a quiet observer

Of actions that haunt and thrill

I question and then accept

because in that moment of clarity

I’m nothing and everything all at once

like the first breath of a child

a new beginning to move on from