Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Just three moments in a life of many

Posted: June 7, 2014 in Uncategorized
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You made me stronger….Despite you

 

I was tethered by blood struggling to be free

Every uttered strike hitting their mark

Bloodying my soul

Weakening my mind

 

I was young for a short time

And then I wasn’t

Born with a forgiving spirit

I gave you the chance at redemption

But you didn’t know I was just waiting for my prime

You no longer required emotional reception

So it became my time

 

I realized everything you said was wrong

 

And stood my ground.

And I didn’t hurt you to free myself.

 

Purging Anger…

The angry beat burrows into my heart to attack my soul

Pulls out my spirit

Holding it captive

While it drains the rage

Turning flames into ash

Then drops it back in

I rest peacefully

 

Here’s my heart…

 

It is exactly how it happened

Our worlds crashed

Blues eyes met brown

Exploding into meaning and purpose

They shattered and reformed

I tried to run away

But you stood your ground

Didn’t push didn’t pull

I had to make a choice

Be alive

Or live

I chose to live

Twenty one years later

Three beautiful children

My laughter couldn’t be more power

My smile… brighter

I’m standing on top of my world

And I’m not alone

Writing challenge Blog day 2…. A room with a view..is not always a room.

Posted: June 6, 2014 in Uncategorized
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No matter where I am or where I go my imagination turns the experience into an adventure. Sometimes in a crowded room, I hide who I am by not speaking or engaging in eye contact. I listen and observe hearing and seeing what everyone else misses. Even when the music is too loud and the buzz of conversation turns into shouting matches, it is quite where I am. My favorite place is never far away. I’m transported away from the chaos of living but seeking the place inside my mind no one can go. I cannot be touched. I cannot be damaged. I hover between life and death, nowhere and everywhere at the same time and I’m at peace.

After a short car ride, my body and mind find harmony in the cemetery where we laid my mother to rest. It is my personal sanctuary, the final reality of life, putting this body to rest only to be reborn again in another. It’s my happy place. It’s a glimpse into a new beginning. Death is just a phase in the transformation of living. Being alive with your body and thriving gloriously without.  

I sit on the manicured landscape, fixing the flowers while talking to my mother about my life. Though she is not really sleeping six feet under, she is most likely sitting beside me only because I am there, a visit away from home where thinking goes beyond the earthly limits and distractions. I think clearer. I feel better. I love fully.

People come to this beautiful place thinking this is the end. I find hope in knowing it is not. Everyone has this secret paradise. I’m not special.

 

 

We Battled Hate with LOVE

Posted: June 4, 2014 in Uncategorized
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We’re the dark shadows in your eyes

Always cut down by your tongue

Long before we could speak

Before we could hold a breath

We stuck together

Clung to sanity as we clung to each others’ hands

Asking questions no child should know existed

Your family turned their back on you

So you turned away from us

Made money your home

Deceit a doctrine you followed religiously

Fooling everyone who didn’t know you

You made us cry tears of rage and frustration

Every day for as long as the sun shone

And the moon ruled

You’ll never gather enough darkness to destroy us

Our mother’s undying love forever surging through our veins

A gift of US a shelter from the storm

Our scars glorious reminders

Of all the battles we eagerly fought

To eventually win the war

To become the opposite of you

As if you could bend no lower

You tried to draw a line through blood

It wasn’t enough to Sever ties between us and you

You needed to cut us apart

Pit one against another

Drown our hearts in your hate

A gloom you learned from your mother

Hoping to kill our spirits

As dead as yours

But we are stronger than your pain

And smarter than your hate

You will never destroy what we know and what you cannot understand

The love of Siblings

Squirrel Bogarting Pizza!

Posted: May 23, 2014 in Uncategorized
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Squirrel Bogarting Pizza!

Dats ah Goood Pizza!!!!!

What did you just SAY!!!!!

Posted: May 20, 2014 in Uncategorized
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Anger Kills focus, concentration and character. That’s why we nitpick at our loved ones, nag our partners or internally self-destruct trying to hide from the chaos our emotions have caused in our world.  Want to know a secret? Feeling anger is a choice. Acting on anger is a choice. It’s all about how we perceive ourselves. Think about it. Confident people do not get angry. They can still be wrong, but believing in who they are, what they stand for, and their self-value keeps them from diving into the carnage of self-dissection.  

Most of the time anger comes from within. It is very rarely caused by an outside attack. What hurts the most comes from within.  For instance, if your self-esteem is scraping bottom and you think you’re not smart…a simple comment about a classification of intelligence from an ignorant person can trigger the beat-yourself-up anger. And then what? Who suffers the consequences…besides yourself? The person you love the most. The person you feel most safe with. The one person who knows your true value, ends up defending themselves against someone else’s, dare I say it? Un-called for, spoken without thinking, comment?

I have just begun to master the turbulent emotion we call anger. I started with silencing my bad thoughts, knowing the true answer to my issue had nothing to do with what was said or done, but what “I” took from it. I had to stop my partner from helping me until I had complete control over the heat searing my most inner thoughts. Sometimes it takes days of silence contemplation, but when I am ready and haven’t revealed the source of my pain, I let my partner in to help, because by then, I am fully aware that the answer is inside me. I’m still a work in progress, but I can truly say I am happier every single day that I unfold the secrets hidden inside me. They just make me…me and the more I learn the more peace I feel.

one difficult morning amongst many….

Posted: May 19, 2014 in Uncategorized
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one difficult morning amongst many…..

one difficult morning amongst many….

Posted: May 19, 2014 in Uncategorized
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Another difficult morning of complaints, “I don’t feel well.” In-between smiles and conversation we have about the wildlife program that is currently on TV.  Why is the tv on? You ask… well I need something to gauge the real reason for not wanting to go to school. My son, whom I adore, has anxiety issues. They’re not just with school. He suffers every time he knows he has to leave the house.

The panic attacks didn’t start over night, but increased significantly after two close family members passed away. One happened quite unexpectedly. Me, his mom, having cancer when he was 4 is what I believe could have triggered it in the first place. I also believe this is a challenge in this lifetime that he has yet to overcome in previous, but no matter the reason or cause, I am determined to get him through it. I’m lucky that he is only thirteen. I have some flexibility, but soon that gap will close when he enters ninth grade.

I don’t know how to get him to see what is really happening. His aches and pain are real because his fear triggers his stomach to hurt. He accuses me of not believing him. I do believe him but the only way to help him is to not feed into it. He is seeing a couple of specialists and I rely on their advice since my husband and I are at our wits end.

It is very fortunate that I have a partner in all of this. We do our best to give the other some breathing space in-between the battles, and battles they have become. The school is also on our side and has worked with us since the beginning. In two months we shall know if our efforts have paid off. A long two months they shall be. All I know is that I am doing this out of love. I’m not giving in. I’m fighting for my son’s quality of life and that keeps me strong and motivated. He’s truly an amazing kid. He’s kind and respectful, smart and witty. He is going to be an amazing adult. I will not let fear take my baby’s future away.  

Mother’s Day

Posted: May 11, 2014 in Uncategorized
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Mother's Day.

Mother’s Day

Posted: May 11, 2014 in Uncategorized
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Happy mother’s day to all those wonderful women out there who dedicate their lives to safety, guidance, patience, endearments, and most of all unconditional love to not only their children but all those beautiful souls around them. Tomorrow may be our day, but it is only a flare in the sky to what we do and will continue to do for the rest of this lifetime. I salute you all!

IS that smile for REALl?

Posted: May 4, 2014 in Uncategorized
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IS that smile for REALl?.

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