Losing Their faith…(part 2) Challenge 101 Serial killer

Posted: June 11, 2014 in Uncategorized
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Losing their faith (part 2)

 

I didn’t start questioning God’s morals and until years after my grandma’s death. When you’re a child all matters are explained with a thick coating of sugar. When you learn the alphabet, teachers and parents slowly spoon feed you each letter by using entertaining books and fun songs. Later you learn the meat of the lessons, expected to fully understand grammar, punctuation and a myriad of confusing rules in order to communicate clearly. Thus the religious lessons that began as loving fun church homilies and bible stories were just the bait on the hook. When they finally added the meat to the lessons, a red flag went up, but I was young and trusting of the adults who followed the teachings without question. I, on the other hand, heard a lot of hypocrisy and therefore started compiling questions, storing them in the shadows of my mind. At one point, the red flag turned into a blaring alarm which I could not ignore and the love I believed God was, turned out to be conditional.

…to be continued

Writing challenge five101- A letter from the future

Posted: June 11, 2014 in Uncategorized
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I know when you read this letter; you won’t believe a word of it. Let me back up one step. You are me, thirty-two years ago, at the age of thirteen. The age before I knew what being an adult actually meant. This time of confusions and chaos has nothing to do with you. You are caught in the crosshairs of friendly fire. Children should be free from adult drama. Allowed their naivety of the world they will eventually swim in. Anyone who interrupts those innocent years is selfish beyond reason.

Right now life is tough for you. The fighting between mom and dad is never ending and so confusing. School, I know, sucks. It always felt like you had a target on your back. From first grade until ninth was one long nightmare with many brief interludes of fitful resting periods. I’d never done anything to anyone.  In fact I would have been happy to have been left alone, but as you are getting to know, that didn’t seem to be an option.

The reason I’m writing this and sending it to you is because life gets better and you will meet your life partner who will stick by your side through your insane times and applaud all your strengths, skill and talents. You will have strength of mind to know who you are and not allow anyone to change you. The best of you is coming.

I do hope, at the most this brings you comfort and at the very least this amuses you. I needed to laugh more back then in any case.

 

Everything you’ve been through and what you will go through is worth the journey. Trust me.

I know

Losing their faith

Posted: June 8, 2014 in Uncategorized
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Losing faith in my Faith (Part 1)

 

In my early years, I believed in God and everything He stood for. My innocent heart fed on words of love, uplifting homilies and the amazing feelings of community while sitting on a pew with my mom and siblings. We celebrated Christmas and Easter with my large family of aunts, uncles and cousins.

At that time, we were our own little community. Crucifixes, crosses and pictures of Jesus were hung everywhere while mother Mary watched over the garden.  

 My mom’s mom was very religious. The matriarch of the family, she was maybe five foot in height, a short plump Italian woman, she was the greatest reason for my strong belief.

She suffered and survived an abusive relationship.

Raised six children and worked through the Great Depression

She was our sanctuary during difficult times at home.

She fed and sheltered us when we couldn’t go home.

At the risk of her own life, she helped others.

My grandma believed therefore I believed

And at the age of fifteen, her heart gave out…

Just three moments in a life of many

Posted: June 7, 2014 in Uncategorized
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You made me stronger….Despite you

 

I was tethered by blood struggling to be free

Every uttered strike hitting their mark

Bloodying my soul

Weakening my mind

 

I was young for a short time

And then I wasn’t

Born with a forgiving spirit

I gave you the chance at redemption

But you didn’t know I was just waiting for my prime

You no longer required emotional reception

So it became my time

 

I realized everything you said was wrong

 

And stood my ground.

And I didn’t hurt you to free myself.

 

Purging Anger…

The angry beat burrows into my heart to attack my soul

Pulls out my spirit

Holding it captive

While it drains the rage

Turning flames into ash

Then drops it back in

I rest peacefully

 

Here’s my heart…

 

It is exactly how it happened

Our worlds crashed

Blues eyes met brown

Exploding into meaning and purpose

They shattered and reformed

I tried to run away

But you stood your ground

Didn’t push didn’t pull

I had to make a choice

Be alive

Or live

I chose to live

Twenty one years later

Three beautiful children

My laughter couldn’t be more power

My smile… brighter

I’m standing on top of my world

And I’m not alone

Writing challenge Blog day 2…. A room with a view..is not always a room.

Posted: June 6, 2014 in Uncategorized
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No matter where I am or where I go my imagination turns the experience into an adventure. Sometimes in a crowded room, I hide who I am by not speaking or engaging in eye contact. I listen and observe hearing and seeing what everyone else misses. Even when the music is too loud and the buzz of conversation turns into shouting matches, it is quite where I am. My favorite place is never far away. I’m transported away from the chaos of living but seeking the place inside my mind no one can go. I cannot be touched. I cannot be damaged. I hover between life and death, nowhere and everywhere at the same time and I’m at peace.

After a short car ride, my body and mind find harmony in the cemetery where we laid my mother to rest. It is my personal sanctuary, the final reality of life, putting this body to rest only to be reborn again in another. It’s my happy place. It’s a glimpse into a new beginning. Death is just a phase in the transformation of living. Being alive with your body and thriving gloriously without.  

I sit on the manicured landscape, fixing the flowers while talking to my mother about my life. Though she is not really sleeping six feet under, she is most likely sitting beside me only because I am there, a visit away from home where thinking goes beyond the earthly limits and distractions. I think clearer. I feel better. I love fully.

People come to this beautiful place thinking this is the end. I find hope in knowing it is not. Everyone has this secret paradise. I’m not special.

 

 

We Battled Hate with LOVE

Posted: June 4, 2014 in Uncategorized
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We’re the dark shadows in your eyes

Always cut down by your tongue

Long before we could speak

Before we could hold a breath

We stuck together

Clung to sanity as we clung to each others’ hands

Asking questions no child should know existed

Your family turned their back on you

So you turned away from us

Made money your home

Deceit a doctrine you followed religiously

Fooling everyone who didn’t know you

You made us cry tears of rage and frustration

Every day for as long as the sun shone

And the moon ruled

You’ll never gather enough darkness to destroy us

Our mother’s undying love forever surging through our veins

A gift of US a shelter from the storm

Our scars glorious reminders

Of all the battles we eagerly fought

To eventually win the war

To become the opposite of you

As if you could bend no lower

You tried to draw a line through blood

It wasn’t enough to Sever ties between us and you

You needed to cut us apart

Pit one against another

Drown our hearts in your hate

A gloom you learned from your mother

Hoping to kill our spirits

As dead as yours

But we are stronger than your pain

And smarter than your hate

You will never destroy what we know and what you cannot understand

The love of Siblings

Squirrel Bogarting Pizza!

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Squirrel Bogarting Pizza!

Dats ah Goood Pizza!!!!!

Image  —  Posted: May 23, 2014 in Uncategorized
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What did you just SAY!!!!!

Posted: May 20, 2014 in life lessons
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What did you just SAY!!!!!.

What did you just SAY!!!!!

Posted: May 20, 2014 in Uncategorized
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Anger Kills focus, concentration and character. That’s why we nitpick at our loved ones, nag our partners or internally self-destruct trying to hide from the chaos our emotions have caused in our world.  Want to know a secret? Feeling anger is a choice. Acting on anger is a choice. It’s all about how we perceive ourselves. Think about it. Confident people do not get angry. They can still be wrong, but believing in who they are, what they stand for, and their self-value keeps them from diving into the carnage of self-dissection.  

Most of the time anger comes from within. It is very rarely caused by an outside attack. What hurts the most comes from within.  For instance, if your self-esteem is scraping bottom and you think you’re not smart…a simple comment about a classification of intelligence from an ignorant person can trigger the beat-yourself-up anger. And then what? Who suffers the consequences…besides yourself? The person you love the most. The person you feel most safe with. The one person who knows your true value, ends up defending themselves against someone else’s, dare I say it? Un-called for, spoken without thinking, comment?

I have just begun to master the turbulent emotion we call anger. I started with silencing my bad thoughts, knowing the true answer to my issue had nothing to do with what was said or done, but what “I” took from it. I had to stop my partner from helping me until I had complete control over the heat searing my most inner thoughts. Sometimes it takes days of silence contemplation, but when I am ready and haven’t revealed the source of my pain, I let my partner in to help, because by then, I am fully aware that the answer is inside me. I’m still a work in progress, but I can truly say I am happier every single day that I unfold the secrets hidden inside me. They just make me…me and the more I learn the more peace I feel.

one difficult morning amongst many….

Posted: May 19, 2014 in Uncategorized
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one difficult morning amongst many…..

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