Mel Evers wonders about it all

I posted a summary of what I’ve been through in this lifetime, but that’s not who I am. Writing about what makes me whole will be more difficult and a challenge I am willing to accept. I could simply say I do not like pickled herring, or cows tongue and balk at anything that has the consistency of mucous. Ugh. Okay, so let’s see.

I’m not perfect. I have endearing flaws and annoying quirks. I laugh when something is funny… or not so funny. I have a tendency to laugh when someone gets hurt (not tragically) in an unusual way, but that’s a family trait. My children are not fond of that particular trait. One day I can be completely high on life, when someone cuts me off, I sigh. Then there are days when I want to bite the world in the ass. Those days are fortunately fewer and far between.

I’d like to say I’m one hundred percent non-judgmental, but that would be inaccurate. There are times I am vulnerable. And those are the times when I make judgments. If I’m feeling bad about myself, thinking I’m unworthy, ugly, stupid and so on, I project these negative traits onto others. Where I normally would smile at someone who is frowning, I instead make a judgment about how inconsiderate they are to add their issue to my, already, destructive state of mind. Once again, as I progress into personal acceptance these occurrences are on the verge of extinction.

My actions do and don’t reflect who I am. Each individual moment can steer me in many directions. If I’m stressed, I will react in an irritated manner. What I am feeling at that time will guide the course of my reaction and so thus must I accept that others are the same, and not to rush to judgment.

I still feel I haven’t touched on who I am. Am I my personal thoughts? How I treat others? How I react to challenges? What I would do to defend my children? The strength of my loyalty to others? What I forgive? Maybe one day I will be able to answer these accurately, but for now I am a work in progress facing challenges head on, accepting, not always humbly, changes in my life, working for what I want and offering my love and devotion to those willing to accept the forever changing me.