Posted: August 2, 2013 in life lessons
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I spent a lot of the last nine years learning who I really am. Before then my life was simple, I didn’t have one. As a child I kept to myself, being bullied six hours a day, five days a week will do that to a young soul. I did have my family, a quite extensive family, a lot of aunts and uncles and cousins. We got together on weekends, but eventually everyone grows older and the play dates are no longer with cousins. And you have fewer distractions from the worse parts of your life and you’re forced to burrow deeper inside yourself. Home life had interesting cycles. The war zone, love and escape. My father caused all the wars, still does, but I gave myself an honorable discharged after my mother passed away. She was the reason I fought so hard. My mother loved us more than life itself, but her fears ruled her mind and me and my siblings were held in a tight grip close to her heart. Her fears killed her young. At the age of 53 she succumbed to cancer two years after my first daughter was born. So now I had my own children to protect. And from I learned when I grew up, I stood between them and the rest of the world, including my husband. It didn’t matter that my husband adored me and our children and that he proved himself as a loving husband and father every day. My father pretended to be trustworthy. His lies were believable because we wanted them to be true. I mean what father doesn’t love his children? My father. Well I was doing exactly what my mother did, except I had no reason to. And then cancer invaded the most personal depths of my sanctum and my life changed. All of my walls came crashing down and the world opened up. Suddenly I had to rely on others. And my life became full and interesting right before my very sick eyes…

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