] Going fast in a fishing boat out in the bay by my grandmother’s house. The smell of fresh gnocchi laid out on a table while tomato sauce simmers on the stove. My cousins, we called ourselves the wacky cousins, sang and danced in the basement to grease and songs on old 45s. Being yelled at for dropping a stone on my cousin Ralph’s head. I don’t know why I did it. Fighting in the house in the middle of the night waking me up. My father coming home and getting drunk. He was a cop. abad one. The fighting over other woman and the lies he spewed to us that we believed until we got older. Playing o the stairs at my Mom’s mom’s house while they played cards. Sometimes grandma’s friend took off their shirts and we had to stay outside. I remember a reoccurring dream where I was afraid of the basement and would always end up locked down there. Running from my father. I don’t know if it was a dream. but I felt real all these years. I remember my sister and mother fighting. My sister had what she wanted to do and my mother had other ideas. I remember the moment I realized why my mother was so protective. I matured a lot that day and decided to stay in the dark so as not to cause her more fear. I remember the hell I went through in school. Sometime after kindergarten I developed a target on my back. I never knew why and now I don’t care. I remember being spit on, made fun of and even taunted into fights. Fighting was easy. I was used to that, but I didn’t gain skill and confidence until much later on so I didn’t always win. I do now. I remember making my first really good friends. fellow outcasts. My family would question me as to why these were my friends. They didn’t get it. These people were like me. Different, weird and socially inept… like me. And they were there for me. But like everyone else people saw them for what they looked like or their unique outlook on life. I am a better person today for having such broad minded misfits in my life. I remember the day my father went to jail. It’s when I stull cared about him. I didn’t really think he would go. Who would? I went to school and broke down. My best friend and a teacher let me cry. High school is where I was rewarded for all I’d been through.
I met who would be the best person in my life, My husband. The moment our eyes met my world changed. Because of my father, I hated men, but this boy floored all my hate, picked me up and lifted me onto cloud nine. I remember being conflicted. I loved this boy instantly but there was no way in hell I would let him hurt me. If my father could do what he did to a beautiful loyal woman like my mother, who was I to be treated any better. Billy was persistent. Called everyday. We talked more than once everyday. We would hang out. He introduced me to dungeons and dragons. lol. My mother, at the time, basically pushed me out the door because I was such a home body. Of course later when she realized I had feelings for him, she did everything to break us up. Her fears reared their ugly heads. She didn’t understand that he gave me security, unconditional love, loyalty above and beyond the call of duty. Initially I gave him hell. My fears grew teeth and bit hard. Yet through every stupid test I put him through he stayed and just loved me. (this has not been proofread or edited in any way. I hope you like it. Ill read it in a few days)
Mel Evers wonders about it all 