Maggie sat in her car watching Kyra and her colleagues move through the shadows carrying the men into an abandoned warehouse. Every so often Kyra caught Maggie’s eye and Maggie always turned away first. A battle was going on in the detective’s mind. Maggie could see the tension lines between her eyes. She wasn’t having trouble with what would happen inside the warehouse, Maggie, she knew, looked forward to dishing-up some justice for her brother. So what troubled her?
As turned to leave her people to prepare the men for a conversation, Stan grabbed her elbow and pulled her aside. “This will not end well. They know who she is,” he said.
She wrenched her arm out of his grasp. “I have a plan. And when did you grow a conscience?”
“Kyra, you’re getting in too deep.” He snapped. “I don’t care about those thugs or the fucked up cop. I care about you.”
She laughed sadly. “There’s nothing more than a job between us, Stan. When this is over…it’s over. Happy now?” She turned to leave.
He stepped in her way. “Not really. I don’t believe you.”
“Well then you’re going to have to trust me.” She hated that he was closer to right than he knew. Hated herself for dropping her guard for Maggie. But she looked on the bright side; maybe this was the case that ended her misery.
“Get them ready. We’ll be in, in ten minutes,” She wouldn’t allow him to get in her way again.
Kyra got into the passenger seat without looking at Maggie. “You ready for this,” she said.
“Yes.” Maggie said, distractedly.
Kyra took a long breath before looking at Maggie. “There’s no going back.”
“I hadn’t planned on it. I’m living moment to moment.”
Maggie’s tone broke her self-preservation rule and once again Maggie had gotten inside her head. “What’s happened?”
“I just got the call. My brother died an hour ago.”
“You’re fired,” Maggie shouted into Kyra’s face.
“No. I’m not.” Kyra took a step back. “Detective Styles.”
Maggie caught movement out of the corner of her eye. Her mind cleared. Anger dissipated. She gripped the gun holstered under her jacket. For a split second relief promised release from this crappy world she’d been born into.
Kyra’s voice reached through the numbing haze to tame her. “They’re with me, Maggie.”
Her hand loosened on the handle. A warm, strong hand pulled her fingers away from the grip panel.
Maggie pushed Kyra away from her and saw hurt flare before surprise took over. She didn’t know what is was about this woman that made her listen, but she would make it stop. She didn’t need another person to worry about. Besides, once this arrangement was over, she’d never see her again. Maggie ignored the sick feeling that fact brought to her stomach.
“I hit a panic button before my knees hit the ground,” Kyra said.
Two men and a woman appeared out of the shadows, their faces obscured by the night. They stood behind Kyra waiting for instructions. The injured man by the wall groaned.
“I am interrogating them and I am doing it my way.” Maggie stepped into Kyra’s personal space and disturbingly felt soothed by the compassion in the other woman’s eyes. She quickly stepped back. “No one is going to stop me.”
Maggie wanted to turn her head, blink, run anything to break eye contact with Kyra. Kyra smiled. Maggie held back the urge to slap her.
“Stan.” Kyra whispered. “Do we have a place?”
“Yes sir.” Stan said.
“Transportation?” Kyra asked.
“Ready to go.” A female voice responded.
“Load them up. Get the asshole out of the detective’s trunk and then clean it out. He was never there.”
Kyra’s eyes bore into Maggie’s soul as she dished out orders. Maggie couldn’t move. For the first time in her life she wasn’t in control. She’d never let anyone take control of her. Not that bastard of a father she got rid of. Not the courts. Therapists. Not CPS. No one. Kyra would not get inside her mind and anywhere else for that matter. And then she remembered crying in Kyra’s arms and closed her eyes and walked away.
Tags: hearts and minds, insights, love, peace
Each one of us has lessons we need to learn before we can be at peace. Some lessons are easier to learn than others, but that moment of realization is like a cool breeze during a hot day, up lifting and short-lived. Before we know it we are sobbing over a loss, a word, a feeling of anxiety and not knowing why the hurt cuts us so deep.
In our journey for peace we seek out those who can teach us the greatest lessons, place our minds and our hearts in their hands hoping for something spectacular. Without others we sink in our black hole, wither and die. Our lives become meaningless and empty, touching and experiencing nothing. Yet to give control to others is frightening. The result may cause us to detach. One person’s cruel treatment may cause another, more gentle soul to be overlooked and their lesson to fail because the pain is too great to overcome.
How do we get passed such a blood and fire barrier? To face the agony, barge through it would surely scar us for life. And what is on the other side? Is it worth it?
Again we place our wellbeing in the hands of the unknown teachers waiting for us to step up and swallow down the fear, offer up our hearts and minds again. Who are these teachers? These souls we count on to guide us as they count on us to guide them, learning their lessons from us, their hearts and minds placed in our hands to comfort or crush, a dance of words and emotions tripping us up or carrying us through to the next soul and message.
I’ve learned, so far, the teachings from family and friends. From overheard conversations to dreams. From personal suffering, the betrayal of my own body and then of my mind to words never acted on or jabbing words that cut so deep, forgiveness is not a feeling but an educated choice. We all go through this expedition to ultimately find peace.
Personal tranquility does not come from succeeding or overcoming these lessons, because we will always be tethered to our decisions, over thinking them, wondering if we learned everything we needed to know. True serenity comes from knowing you did your best whether the outcome was what you wished or not. That you loved and accepted and respected and gave to the best of YOUR ability and not what someone else sees as your best. That short-sightedness is their lesson to learn. Not yours.
During a lifetime there are many lessons to learn. We are all struggling to find what we need and want. Each goal is as unique as the person setting out to achieve it. Try to remember this when you feel betrayed, exiled, hated, and even loved, comforted and included. It is what is inside us, our damage and strengths, our weaknesses and our determinations that drive us.